Betrayed
by sweetlee
Summary: For the first time in her life things are going great for Jane T Kirk; she is Captain of the flagship, has a loyal crew who are her family and has been in a loving and committed relationship with Spock for over two years. What could possibly go wrong?
1. Chapter 1

The first thing Jane Kirk saw when she swam back into consciousness was the pissed off face of her bondmate - not that he would ever admit to being pissed off as anger was after all an emotion but after 3 years together, 2 of them as a bonded couple she knew all of his facial expressions and she knew exactly what he looked like angered.

But why, she wondered, was he angry?

The last thing she recalled was sitting in her chair on the bridge bored senseless. It was not like she had yet again got herself injured in yet another away mission gone wrong; all they were doing were star charting.

"Adulteress" he hissed at her "Bond breaker".

"Excuse me" Jane's eyes nearly doubled in size as she tried to figure out what her bondmate was on about but she could not read him; his side of their bond was locked down tight, something it had not been since they were first bonded and she found she did not like it.

"Who is he? Who is your lover" Spock hissed, his face blank but his eyes furiously conveyed ever emotion he was not able to repress and she shivered as she registered the blind fury in his eyes directed entirely at her.

"Lover?" was he accusing her of being unfaithful?

"Who is the father to your unborn child." Her husband demanded "Who dared laid hands upon you, who dared take what is mine."

"Child...?" Jane was more than lost now "Spock, I'm not pregnant; we both know that's impossible after all you can't..." she left it hanging.

"Precisely" came Spock's clipped reply "The child that you carry cannot be mine so who have you been dallying with, who have you been being unfaithful with behind my back."

"Nobody" Jane replied still bewildered by what her Vulcan was accusing her of, "Spock you can't be serious..."

"I will remove my belongings from our, from your quarters" He interrupted her abruptly, "I trust that you can accept that our relationship has now come to the conclusion that many had warned me about. I should have known better than to have committed to a relationship with someone who had such promiscuous tendencies. I should have known better than to think you would be faithful"

"Spock" Now shocked to tears Jane looked beseechingly up at him "You can't be serious... we are bonded surely you would have known if I was unfaithful..."

"I have always respected your privacy." Spock interrupted her "I will have vacated our quarters by the time you have been discharged and I will move myself to beta shift, I trust that you will have the decency to avoid me until such time my transfer is approved."

"Transfer" Jane whispered not able to believe the turn her life had taken.

"I will not watch as you swell with another man's issue, I have put through my transfer to head quarters and I trust that it will be approved promptly due to the circumstances."

Utterly confused and emotionally devastated Jane could only watch as her bondmate or was it now ex bond mate? Turned on his heel and walked out the door as Bones walked in

Bones" Jane sobbed "Spock..."

"How could you" Bones demanded his hazel eyes furious, "I thought you had finally grown up, I thought you had finally settled down and then you pull something like this."

"But I didn't" Jane tried to defend herself but Bones was on a roll.

"I always defended you, I always said that you would settle down when you found the right man and I thought you had... I really thought you and Spock were the real thing so how could you fuck him over like this. I know the green blooded hobgoblin and I have not always seen eye to eye but do you know how in love with you that man is" Bones continued his rant "You should have seen his face when I had to tell him you were pregnant; not even I could accuse him of being emotionless. He even made me test him to ensure that he was in fact sterile, that the VSA had not got it wrong."

Breaking off and just shaking his head as he looked at her in utter disgust, "I have transferred your case to M'Benga – I can't look at you right now.

And with that two of the most important people in Jane's life walked out of it.

The next couple of weeks were sheer hell on Jane; the news had obviously filtered through the crew because while still being professionally courteous while on duty they avoided her like the plague while they were off duty; most looking at her like she was something they had stepped on.

Nyota Uhura had gone one step further and had cursed at her in 5 different languages as she pointed out how Jane had broken Spock and how she deserved to burn in hell and how she (Uhura) had always suspected that Jane would crash and burn like this.

Jane had tried to talk to Spock but he had evaded her with a skill that had to been see to be believed and when he couldn't he had dealt with her by reverting back to the stone faced emotionless robot she had accused him of being at the beginning of the mission before they had gotten to know each other, before she had fallen in love with her stoic, reserved First Officer.

Her friendship with Bones was in tatters, he had obviously sided with Spock; something she would have never believed possible if she had not seen it with her own two eyes.

At least that she could understand; Bones had been badly burned by his ex wife who had maintained that their daughter, Joanne, was his up until she had filed for divorce then all of her affairs had come out of the wood work and it had turned out the child that Bones had raised for five years, the little girl he had loved more than life itself had not been his but some man his wife had been screwing on the side.

It had left Bones with a deep hatred of infidelity and people who practiced it; people like Jane.

Or so everyone though.

But the truth... the truth was she had not slept with another man since the five year mission commenced; first because she was trying to prove herself an responsible and committed captain who could keep it in her pants and then... and then because she had fallen so deep in love with her gorgeous Vulcan First officer that she could not contemplate letting another man touch her let alone fuck her.

So how then was she pregnant? M'Benga's tests had put her around the four week marks.

Four weeks that, like the last three years, she had spent every night making love to her husband and spending every night in his arms; when she had the strength to even think about it she wondered where she was meant to of have the time to have an illicit affair; they spent 93 percent of their time together; both on duty and off.

They were only separated when Spock was in his lab; usually when she was asleep seeing how he had never needed as much as her.

She had not even been on a way mission that she could blame this on alien interference, as they had been star charting for the last 6 weeks.

But she could not convince anyone of that; everyone had apparently taken poor heartbroken Spock's side and they were too busy death glaring her to bother to listen to her.

Every friend she had thought she had made over the last couple of years had deserted her; Sulu was ignoring her.

Chekov was sending her betrayed looks.

If looks could kill then the heated hatred in Uhura's would of flayed her alive.

Even Scotty, usually the most neutral of all people, was not directly talking to her unless in the line of duty.

Things, she decide morosely, could not get worse.

But of course they did.

Admiral" Jane saluted sharply "We did not expect you."

Pike just looked weary and tired as he looked at her

"I know but I was in this sector at Starbase 9 for business when I got ordered to report to the Enterprise" he told he shortly

"Why" Jane could not help but frown; why would command order Pike to the Enterprise while they were just star charting.

"Captain, I need to talk to you in your office. Privately" Pike ignored her question.

Frowning as she escorted him to her office she wondered what this could be about; admirals usually only visited star ships in the bleakest of times and except from her personal life she had really not fucked up lately.

Showing Pike into her office she sat down behind her desk and stared at Pike who was acting weirdly; they had always had a good working relationship and he had always been a mentor to her so why was he acting so... cold.

Unless of course he had heard about her supposed infidelity, Spock had been his First Officer first; and she knew her bondmate (her heart refused to name him as anything else) his friend.

"Captain Kirk there is no easy way to say this" Admiral Pike looked like he would rather be anywhere but here.

"Say what" Kirk tried not to panic; nothing good ever came out of a sentence like that.

"Captain Kirk, as of regulation 459 section two , you are hereby relieved of command and you will be escorted off of the Enterprise and shipped by to Earth where you will be court marshaled on charges of conduct unbecoming an officer and commander.

"Excuse me" Kirk studied Pike's face was he kidding?

"We have received a staggering amount of formal complaints and transfer request from your crew; they are refusing to serve under someone they find so" Pike seemed to struggle for words before going on "Dishonorable. It seems they do not trust you, Captain Kirk, and I do not need to tell you how dangerous that is for a Star ship crew. Usually we would not interfere over such a private issues but we cannot ignore so many complaints."

So, Jane mused, even Command knew about her pregnancy and supposed infidelity, not that she should have been surprised after all at the least M'Benga's would have had to file a report on her upcoming bundle of 'joy'

"We cannot sit by idly when a crew threatens to rebel. Or leave the service if they are not allowed to transfer" Pike continued

Jane could not speak around the lump in her throat then jumped as there was a knock at the door.

"Enter" responded Pike.

Giotto and two of his security goon's walked in "Admiral you request us" he asked ignoring his Captains presence.

"You are to escort Captain Kirk to the transporter where she will be transported to Star base 9." Pike ordered not meeting Jane's pleading gaze.

Too stunned too even resist Kirk found herself frog marched between two security goons to the transporter bay.

Upon entering the bay she was shocked to find her bondmate waiting for her; face even more expressionless than usual.

"Spock" Jane broke free of her escort to race to him, planning on making him see sense, to make him mind meld with her so he could SEE her innocence but when she went to lay a pleading hand on his arm he shook her off roughly; making her fall back only just catching herself.

"Captain Kirk" he intoned in an emotionless voice "My lawyers will contact you to arrange a time and place for the disseverment of our bond when the Enterprise concludes its mission and arrives back on earth."

"Spock" Jane's voice and body shook "Please don't do this"

"I did nothing" Spock grated, watching with no apparent emotion as she was escorted onto the transporter pads "It was you who choose to have an affair. It was you who shattered our relationship with your lies and betrayal."

"But I didn't" Jane could do nothing but sob; the famous Kirk charm and wit long gone "I never cheated on you Spock, you have to believe me. The child has to be yours; there is nobody else it could be."

"Energize" came her unforgiving bondmate response and she felt the familiar buzz of her atoms being dissolved and when they were put back together on Starbase 9 transporter pad she found herself alone looking at unfamiliar transporter Techs.

Captain Kirk" A star fleet official approached her.

"Not for long" She muttered

"Your transport is ready to leave, Captain." The official either had not heard her or was ignoring her like everyone else in her life.

Escorted to the departing shuttle with all available speed Jane Kirk was left looking out at empty space wondering what the hell had just happened.

One minute celebrated hero of the Federation and decorated Star Ship Captain the next an unfaithful whore and social pariah?

Jane had never really gotten Bones statement that Jocelyn had gotten Earth in the divorce until now.

Spock hadn't just gotten the Earth but he had somehow managed to have gotten the rest of the universe as well.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Yeah I only wish I owned!

Jane's lower back ached as she carefully stacked the dirty glasses onto the tray she was holding; she was now 6 months pregnant and was more than showing and she always felt the strains of her pregnancy at the end of a long shift like the one she was nearly completing.

Having found herself back on earth she was promptly dishonourably discharged from Star Fleet.

Without many options Jane had and did consider herself lucky to have found this job; waiting tables at an Italian cafe that was owned by a lovely old couple, who not only gave Jane a job but allowed her to rent the small apartment over the cafe.

Having been discharged from Star Fleet and with all of her friends having taken Spock's side and with her family spread out over the known universe (her mum was Engineering chief on a star ship; her brother was settled on a lab somewhere out in the black) and not really having a good relationship with them to begin with; a relationship that was now strained to breaking point over her supposed 'bad' behaviour, Jane had found herself completely alone until she had met Mr and Mrs DeLuca.

She had even considered having an abortion; how was she supposed to even contemplating having a baby when she was broke, friendless and without any options what with Star Fleet black listing her so that not many business would hire an disgraced ex captain.

But then she had met the DeLuca's and they had promptly taken her under their wing as they first hired her then set Jane up in the tiny apartment she now called home.

A part of her still wondered however if she was doing the right thing going through with this pregnancy? What did she really have to offer this child except for her love? She knew for certain that this child would have no father. Spock had made that perfectly clear.

She had after trying to repeatedly contact Spock – and after even sending him her pregnancy scans and tests only to get them returned to her obviously unopened and unread – being finally told by Star Fleets and by Spocks own lawyers to cease and desists or face harassment charges.

Spock had not even had the decency to tell her himself. He had just let lawyers do his dirty work; a bonus of being a rich ambassadors son.

But she loved her baby, she had loved it since the moment she had accepted the fought against truth that she was pregnant during her long voyage back to earth.

It didn't mean however that the whole being pregnant and kicked to the curb by the love of her life was not hard.

She still had to swallow hard and fight back the heartbreaking pain she felt every time she went to the doctors for a scan, or to attend a pre natal class or even when she just sat on a park bench and saw happy families and expectant parents everywhere.

The worst pain came however when she saw happy expectant daddies to be doting on their glowing partners giving them the support she was so desperately lacking.

She doubted she glowed. She was working too hard and was too exhausted to do much more than go home at night and force herself to eat a meal - more for the baby sake than any true desire – before crawling into bed and sleep

Sleep that was restless and interrupted by dreams of her ex bondmate, dreams of Spock - dreams that would leave her furious at herself, furious because despite everything she still loved the man who had basically thrown her away like a piece of discarded rubbish.

A man who had not loved her enough to even believe for more than a minute (or one test)that she was not capable of what he was accusing her of.

A man who had once pledged to love her forever, a man who had assured her that their bond was unbreakable, that he would never leave her like so many people before him had.

She tried to ease the pain of his betrayal by telling herself that it was Spock that would be missing out, it was Spock who would never get to hold his daughter, watch her grow up and share in her life.

Because she was through trying to convince him of her innocent, even after the birth when she could use DNA for definitive proof she would not bother. Spock did not deserve his daughter.

Spock did not deserve her, Jane. Spock could rot in hell and if she ever saw him again she would tell him so.

So what if she still loved him? She would bury her feelings for him so deep inside her they would never see the light of day again.

Interrupted by Mrs DeLuca who approached her to take the tray she was holding "Jane" the older lady said kindly "You look exhausted, dear, why don't you finish and go put your feet up"

"Thanks" Jane smiled "But I have another Doctors appointment in 30 minutes. They are going to confirm the child's genetic profile"

Including the species ratio; Jane was looking forward to having proof that she was having Spock's baby even if nobody would ever see it bar her.

"Hello Jane, how are we today" The gray headed doctor asked kindly.

"Good" Jane smiled "The little one has been kicking a lot of late but it is nice to know she is so strong"

"As she should be" Dr Peterson smiled as she looked at Jane's and the babies test results "What with a 60 percent Vulcan makeup"

"60 percent" Jane's eyebrows shot up high "That high?"

"Vulcan genes tend to be dominant" The doctor explained "First generation hybrids tend to be anywhere from 80-94 percent where second generation hybrids like your little girl tend to have about 45 -70 percent Vulcan genetic traits."

So that was that, Jane could not help but think smugly, definite proof; what with Spock being the only Vulcan (half breed or not) on the Enterprise at the time of conception. Not even Spock could accuse her of being pregnant with a nonexistent Vulcan lover!

It was bittersweet however; being validated as such but not being able to throw it in the faces of those who had accused her so falsely; the Enterprise was not returning from its 5 year mission for another 2 months .

As for Star Fleet they could go fuck themselves.

She was through with her former life; Spock, Pike, Bones... they had only proved what she had already known: the only person who you can depend on in this life, the only person who would never leave you is you.


	3. Chapter 3

"So you are really not going to tell him?" Mrs Deluca asked looking up from where she was wiping down a kitchen bench and watching a seven months pregnant Jane who was resting (on Mrs Deluca's orders) her aching feet at the kitchen bench; sitting on a tall stool as she slowly ate the meatball sandwich the older lady had practically forced into her hand.

"No" Jane shook her head between mouthfuls "Why should I? I tried countless times in the past and he never believed me. So why bother now?"

"Because" Mrs Deluca said gently; knowing what she was about to say would either hurt or make the younger woman angry "Now you have proof; the genetic profile can't lie and as, like you have told me, there were no other Vulcan's onboard it proves this baby is his even without DNA testing."

"No" Jane disagreed her eyes flashing "This baby is mine. He gave up all rights to my daughter the day he threw us out with the trash without even trying to listen to the truth – he could of mind melded with me on the day we found out about my pregnancy; he would of seen my innocence he would of had his proof then. But he chose not to. He chose to return all the letters and scan's I sent him, letters that begged him for a chance to explain. He chose to send a lawyer after me to stop me from contacting him. He _chose_ not to be a part of this child's life."

"But he has responsibilities to this child and now that you have proof that it is his he owes you at the very least an apology and child maintenance."

"I don't want anything from him" Jane spat furiously "Not his money and certainly not him"

"But" countered Mrs Deluca who knew how badly Jane had been hurt by her estranged husband but who also knew how hard it could be to raise a child let alone without any help; financially or emotionally "What about your daughter? Will she want to know her father? She won't be a baby forever you know and one day she will look in the mirror and she will want to know about the other person who helped make her."

"She doesn't need to know anything about Spock; he is nothing to her but a sperm donor." Jane maintained stubbornly.

"So what do you plan on telling her when she asks about him because she WILL ask about him, Jane. Do you plan on telling her that her father did not want her" The older lady shook her head "Because if she is truly your child she will not be brushed aside with short answers she will want to know all the details about her father – and with your past history being so public and what with Commander, no, _Captain_ Spock being the only Vulcan onboard the Enterprise at the time of her conception she will know he is her father and will want to confront the man who rejected her and then what? She will show up at Commander Spock's door; he will know she is her daughter when he sees she is half Vulcan and will tell her that you did not seek him out after her birth."

"Or" continued Mrs Deluca "Do you plan on lying to the child? Perhaps telling her that her father is dead? But like I said before if she looks into your past she will know Spock is her father and then she will know you lied to her."

Jane could feel a lump in her throat as she thought about what consequences could befall her relationship with her unborn child if either of the scenarios that Mrs Deluca had described came into fruition.

Her child would hate her – either for lying to her or for keeping her from the father who would (even as Jane bucked at the idea of him being back in her life) love and want her the moment he knew she was his.

And if Spock knew the child growing inside her was his, not the product of betrayal as he currently though, he would want her with all his heart and soul; Jane knew this; through the bond she had often felt Spock's deep regret that he could not give her a child.

Jane also knew her child would want to know about her father (even if Jane had tried to reject this fact from the moment she had definite proof of her child's paternity) because hadn't she?

Hadn't she wanted to know all she could about George Kirk?

Hadn't one of the worst things about her childhood been the fact that she was fatherless (she did not count ANY of her many stepfathers as a father) and hadn't she wished every birthday as she blew out the candles on the cake, her grandmother had to make for her as her mother was too busy drinking, that her father was still alive; that she had a daddy like all the other children she knew.

Could she really deny her child her father?

A father, who if given the chance, would love her

Because yes while she could (and would if she thought she would get away with it) deny Spock his child; she had spoken truthfully before - as far as she was concerned he really had lost any rights to his child the moment, no the MONTHS he had denied her.

But by denying him she would deny her unborn baby and could she really do that?

If she answered truthfully the answer would be no; she would deny this child nothing even if it meant that she had to swallow her rage and fight every instinct that was telling her to screw Spock over, to let him miss out on his child's life as it was what he deserved.

But her child did not deserve to be lied too; her child did not deserve to not have her father in her life.

Especially if the only reason he was not in her life was because of her; because Jane did not want Spock back in her life.

Because Jane? Jane really did not want Spock back in her life.

He had well and truly smashed their relationship, their _bond_ into a thousand pieces and all the kings horses and all the kings men would _never_ be able to put it back together again.

It was time to move on; maybe one day she would find a man who would love her and her child, someone she could share her life with but for now she would just concentrate on bringing a happy, healthy baby into the world.

"But" Mrs Deluca continued; apparently she had still be talking while Jane had been mentally battling with her conscience "It does not mean you have to deal with him"

"Right" said Jane with a snort "Because if he finds out the truth he will not come rushing back, he will not want to see his child, be part of her life."

"He may" Mary countered "Want to see his child; may have the right to see his child but that does not mean he has to see you or will get to see you."

"But" Jane frowned "How would that even work. Surely if he had custody rights I would have to see him to hand her over to him" and didn't the thought of having to willingly hand her child over to Spock for visitation rights kill Jane inside.

"I have been talking to my grandson, Jackson" Mrs Deluca smiled "Jack is a lawyer you know? And it seems that if two parents do not get along you can have a custody agreement that states you drop the child off to a liaison officer who takes them to the other parent."

"So" Jane mused slowly "I could organize it that I would not even have to see Spock" and wouldn't that be fair turnabout play?

To have _Spock_ know exactly what it felt like to be ignored and rejected; to have lawyers tell him that his bondmate does not want _him_.

It was petty to be sure but even as she tried to repress it she still felt a certain amount of glee over the idea.

"Yes" nodded the older woman "I have set up a meeting with Jack for you; he will be able to tell you your full rights as well as how you can go about suing Spock for child support. After all it will not just be you soon; you will have a child, _his_ child to support."

"I guess" Jane hedged "I could at least talk to Jack about possible options."

"So you want the bastard to hurt" Jack Deluca's blue eyes laughed.

It was Janes second meeting with Jack Deluca; the first had been a short meeting where she had laid down all of the facts of her case for Jack to peruse.

Now he had called her back for a second, longer, more in-depth second meeting where he would lay out there strategy and attack plan.

Jack was not what she had expected, both Mr and Mrs Deluca were short and stout in stature with dark Italian features; the total opposite to the handsome blue eyed, brown haired man who leant back in his leather chair radiating confidence and charisma.

In other words he was a stud muffin; a stud muffin she found totally gorgeous and bedable, even as she shrugged off a part of her who still felt guilty over finding another man other than her bondmate desirable.

If she had not been seven months pregnant with another man's child she might have even acted on her attraction to him.

It had been months since she had been laid after all and years since she slept with anyone other than Spock.

Years since she had even found anyone else attractive. Stupid bond.

Not that he would be attracted to her; at the moment as she looked more beached whale than her usual svelte self.

"Definitely" Jane felt herself grin back at him, pushing back any attraction she felt for him as she concentrated on the matter at hand "I want to take him by the balls and squeeze; and not in a good way."

"We can definitely work on that." Jack smiled wickedly at her "I can't believe any man would choose to throw you out of his life; he must be an idiot."

"Actually he is a certified genius" Jane deadpanned "Vulcan you know?"

"So my grandma mentioned" Jack shook his head "Then he's must just be an emotionless bastard. I mean not even to hear you out; just to throw you out of his life"

Jane opened her mouth to defend Spock; she had always hated when people believed that Spock felt nothing, when they believed the old 'Vulcan's are emotionless robots' tale but stopped herself short; he did not deserve her to defend him anymore. He did not deserve anything from her.

"Something like that" she mumbled.

"So our first step is to hit him with some unpleasant truths." Jack started to lie out their case "I will start by serving him with papers; this will include the genetic testing results that PROVES his paternity as well as a notice that will advise him of the upcoming court case where we will sue him for custody and child support. I will also advise him that you do not wish to deal with him and that all contact should be made via his lawyers to me."

"Then" Jane queried "What happens next"

"That depends on him" Jack replies "He may choose to waive all rights to the child; he will still have to pay child support though and as soon as Star Fleet is advised of the paternity of your child – we may still have to run a DNA test – they will be compelled to garnish his wages. Do you think that is likely?"

Closing her eyes Jane shook her head "No" she replied softly "He will want this child... he always wanted a child he just thought we couldn't, you know "

"Do you think he will want you back" Jack leant back in his chair; a look of concern marring his handsome face.

"Maybe" Jane shrugged – she still didn't want to think about that part of all of this; would Spock even want her back "But it would not matter as I do not want him back"

"Great" Jake straightened up and grinned "So that means we will push forward with a custody and child support court date. Where we will settle custody right, visitation schedules and of course child support payments."

"And then" Jane leaned forward.

"And then you can move on with your life hopefully." Jack leant forward and smiled at her "You deserve better than the Vulcan bastard; my grandmamma has been keeping me abreast of your situation – she feels like you are part of the family and wants to see you settled and happy."

"Once Star Fleet realises their mistake they will take back their blacklisting of you and will probably want to reenlist you."

"Not that I have any intention of reenlisting" Jane stated coldly. "Star Fleet have done their dash with me I am afraid"

"But it will mean you will be able to seek more appropriate employment" Jack raised his hands "I love my Grandparents cafe to pieces; but you are not meant to be a waitress, you are not meant for a life less ordinary." He smiled shyly at her "You deserve something special... something better"

Jane swallowed; where had she heard that before?

"And I won't have to see Spock?" she forced herself to say.

"No" Jack confirmed "We will make that part of the custody agreement; your child will be picked up by a liaison officer; all at your estranged husband's expense of course and will be transferred to Spock's custody and then at the end of the visit she will be returned to you the same way.

"So that's it" Jack concluded rising from his chair to help her up; never an easy thing when you were seven months pregnant "I will contact you with any details that come up or when he or his lawyer replies to the serve."

"Thank you" Jane smiled planning on leaving to go home for a well deserved nap; all this planning was tiring "For all your help I mean"

"My pleasure" Jack pushed a piece of hair out of her face "Maybe we can celebrate your victory over the bastard with a piece of my nonna's famous tiramisu after the court case."

"Maybe" Jane smiled back; if she was not seven months pregnant and as sexually appealing as a bowl of cold porridge then she would think he was flirting with her but seeing how she _was_ seven months pregnant and the shape of a beach ball he was probably just being polite for his Nonna's sake.

Anyway she had more important things to deal with than wondering whether or not her sexy lawyer was flirting with her; like planning how to avoid Spock when he realised his mistake, when he realised what he had done.

She was not stupid enough to think a lawyer request not to contact her would stop him from trying to and she planned on never seeing Spock again unless it was absolutely necessary.

After all what was the point? Even if he begged her to forgive him, even if he got down on his knees and grovelled (not likely her cynical mind snorted) she would never take him back; they were done and she planned on breaking their bond as soon as she could, planned on getting rid of the constant feeling of him in the back of her mind that mocked her with what could have been.

The life she could have lived if only things had been different.

The different pregnancy she could have experienced if he had believed her and if she had him by her side and the support and love of her friends.

The happy family they could have been if only he had trusted her enough.

Loved her enough.

But he hadn't and he didn't so it was time to move on.

Author's Note: This Story is not going the way I planned; I planned on not letting Spock know about the child until some disaster or another (like in the prompt) happened but then whilst writing it I hit a brick wall of morality that stopped me dead in my writing tracks.

Does Spock deserve to know about the child's genetic profile results that prove him to be the father? Hell no!

But should he be told? Probably and I think realistically it is something someone like Kirk would actually do; she might hate the bastard but she wouldn't deny her child their basic right – the right to know her father.

Having dealt in real life with situations just like this I have always argued FOR fathers to know; not for their sakes but for the child's as nothing and I mean NOTHING screws with a child's emotions and well being more than feeling unwanted; believe me I have dealt with many a child who have lived knowing that one parent (or more) does not want them and it leads to nothing good.

So the story has changed; Spock will be told but will Jane forgive him... well that would be giving away to much :P


	4. Chapter 4

It had been another long, hard day. A day that had seemed busier than most as it was filled with more demanding customers than usual so it was with a sigh of pure pleasure that Jane sank down appreciatively on the old but comfortable sofa in her small lounge room.

She had been relaxing for a scant couple of minutes when the harsh sound of the door broke the silence in the small apartment.

Having just gotten comfortable Jane scowled as she struggled to rise again; silently she wondered who it could be?

Mr and Mrs DeLuca were away for the weekend, busy celebrating 45 years of wedded bliss as Mrs DeLuca had put it, and other than the older couple she really had no friends in the Cafe; having being so badly burnt emotionally by the Enterprise crew she really had no desire to get emotionally attached to anyone in a hurry.

Anyway it was not like she really had anything in common with the young university students who worked for the DeLuca's anyway.

Waddling towards the door she was so tired she did not even bother looking through the peephole – something she would later regret – before she threw the door open to reveal the tall, sombre figure of her bondmate, soon to be ex bondmate.

"Spock" she gasped in shock; she really had not expected this. It had only been just over a week since Jack had sent the documentation off and she had for some reason not expected such a quick response in message form let alone this; a personal appearance.

Wasn't the Enterprise still meant to be out in the black?

Spock for his part seemed fixated on her stomach, her stomach which at seven months pregnant was vastly rounded and swollen – she was a far call from the lithe, slender bondmate he would remember.

"What are you doing here" Jane forced herself to spit out; her voice sounding dry and hollow even to her "Shouldn't you be on the Enterprise. You know the ship you kicked me off of?"

At her word's Spocks eyes snapped up to her face and he stepped towards her, moving further into her inner sanctuary "The Enterprise regrettably sustained grievous damage during our last mission and we were forced to return to base for repairs early. We were 4 standard days away from Earth when I received your lawyer's message."

"Did you read the message?" Jane snapped "Did you read the part where I said I didn't want to see you? Did you read the part where I said that I would prefer all future contact be through our lawyers?"

"After reading the contents of the letter I felt compelled to return back to Earth with all due haste" Spock told her "to begin to make reparations for my regrettable belief in your infidelity. Having seeing the results of the genetic testing I must concede that the child you are carrying is indeed biologically mine and I accept that I have been regrettably wrong in my belief in your betrayal.

"Wow" Jane choked out sarcastically "Isn't that magnanimous of you"

"I beg forgiveness" Spock went on and was it just her or did her usually calm, stoic ex sound a touch uncertain or was it just wishfully thinking on her behalf "for not listening to you on the many occasions you approached me before your unfortunately removal from the Enterprise but my unfortunate belief in your betrayal was at the time... logical. After all my proven sterility spoke for itself and validated at the time my belief in your unfaithfulness. "

Jane had heard more than enough; was Spock only here to validate his reasons for his newly discovered unfair treatment of her, to ease his undoubtedly guilty conscience.

In any case he had nothing to say she could want to hear; he had made his choice 7 months ago on the Enterprise when he had decided to kick her out of his life without even giving her a fair trial.

"Spock I don't even know what you are doing here" Jane told him "If it is about the baby; well that is what the custody settlement is about"

"I understand your anger at my sudden reappearance in your life" Spock intoned in soft, nearly even gentle tones "but I wish to make amends; I wish to be part of my child's life... a part of your life once again"

Jane stared at him in dead silence; he could not be serious – he could not expect to waltz back into her life with barely an apology after what he had put her through and expect her to take him back with open arms.

Jane was about to open her mouth to give him a much deserved dose of reality when the doorbell rang again.

Taking the opportunity to walk away from Spock for a moment and to give herself a much needed moment to clear her head before it exploded Jane walked over to the door opening it to reveal Jack De Luca who was holding a pizza box and a brown bag.

"Jack" Jane's eyes widened, what was her lawyer doing at her doorstep at 7pm at night?

"Jane" Jack's blue eyes smiled at her "I thought you might appreciate going over the finer points of your court case with me before the big day." Holding up the box and brown bag he added "I've brought dinner"

Jane suddenly felt Spock's presence as he stopped to stand behind her.

Without even seeing it she knew he would be engaging Jack with his standard Vulcan death stare.

"Jane" he asked icily "Who is this person."

"This" Jane retorted "Is my lawyer. You know the person who will represent me during our pending custody case. The person you are meant to be directing all correspondence through"

"And do all of Earth's lawyers typically visit their clients at their homes at eight thirty at night?" Spock enquired coldly.

"No" Jack smiled coolly at Spock – seemingly unaffected by the death glares the Vulcan had been sending his way and Jane's respect for him went up; she had seen harden Klingon warriors back away from Spock's death glares "Only the gorgeous single ones."

"Jane" Spock retorted even as he moved closer to her – as if he still had the right to stake a claim on her "Is not single. She is my bondmate."

"Not for much longer" Jane twirled around to fix her bondmate with a death glare of her own, "Did you really think after the way that you chucked me out of your life, out of the Enterprise that I would really take you back? "

Smiling sharply at him she went on "You said on the ship that you would contact me to have our bond broken; well now I am telling you I want it broken as soon as possible."

"I spoke in haste on the ship" Spock eyes bore into hers "I have been in contact with a Vulcan Healer who inspected my side of the bond to investigate the rite that we would need to break it; unfortunately after examining me in a stoop over at New Vulcan he found our bond to be a rare, almost unheard of, form of the usual Vulcan bond – so rare it has not be documented in a bonded couple for over a thousand year..."

"I don't care" Jane broke in "What kind of bond we share I just want it broken."

"It cannot be broken unless through death" Spock monotone informed her "The traditional methods, if we tried to utilize them to break the bond, would only lead to both of us descending into madness; our minds would never recover as our bond is so deeply imbedded in the deepest reaches of our brains – by destroying it we would destroy our minds."


	5. Chapter 5

_Previously: "I don't care" Jane broke in "What kind of bond we share I just want it broken."_

"_It cannot be broken unless through death" Spock monotone informed her "The traditional methods, if we tried to utilize them to break the bond, would only lead to both of us descending into madness; our minds would never recover as our bond is so deeply imbedded in the deepest reaches of our brains – by destroying it we would destroy our minds."_

Jane just stared at Spock "You must be joking" she whispered, eyes wide and horrified; was this some type of cruel joke? "

"Vulcan's, as you well know, do not joke about such serious matters as our marital bonds" Spock turned slightly away from her; as if hiding his reaction to her request to break their bonds from her "Even if I wished to break our bond, which I do not, it is impossible . You are welcome to question the healers at the Vulcan Embassy but you will find that they will only tell you what they told me months ago; our bond is indissoluble."

"What about a disseverment of your legal rights to her; even if you can't break the mental bonds that tie you, surely you can dissolve your marital status." Jack queried, blue eyes showing his dismay.

Spock pinned him with a cold glare "As a practising lawyer can you not even advise your client on her legal rights?" he queried. "I would have thought that would have been inclusive to your job description."

Jack glared back "As you well know _Captain_ Spock, Vulcan laws, as with most of Vulcan's society rules and traditions, are bound in secrecy especially those concerning your marital bonds. I have studied law; both human and alien for nearly a decade now and have found that no other civilisation has such maddening mystery surrounding it."

"We value our privacy" Spock retorted coolly

"Well as her lawyer I should be privy to any information that is valid to my client's case"

"You are welcome to contact the Vulcan embassy and plead your case" Spock intoned "But I believe you will find that as with our bond, our marital status will also be immutable; Vulcan's bonds are more crucial to our well being than your own human marital rituals; we do not take them lightly and dissolve them rarely."

"Yet you chose to reject your bondmate and threaten to break your bond, a threat you now admit could not be carried out."

"I chose to reject, as you call it, my bondmate for her own safety for if I had done as she had requested and mind melded with her only to find her guilty I feared I would not only do harm to her revealed lover but to her herself."

"Harm?" Jack scoffed "Your bondmate? I might not know much about Vulcan's and their customs" he admitted "But I do know that no sane Vulcan would ever harm their bondmate – it is well documented that Vulcan's have no domestic abuse problems as your precious bonds make hurting your bondmate impossible – you literally could not raise a hand to her without feeling via a mental backlash whatever you did to her, yourself."

"How do you know that" Queried Jane curiously; not even she had known that fact until six months into her relationship with Spock when a protective McCoy had queried her sanity over marrying a being 4 times her own strength, a being who had nearly choked her to death!

Spock had coolly replied to McCoy's rants that even if he desired it, which he never would, he was incapable of raising a hand against Jane due to the mental backlash that would be inflicted on him if he tried to raise a hand against her.

"It was in the case of Huntington vs. Sorrel" Jack explained "A human woman tried to accuse her Vulcan bondmate of spousal abuse; the Vulcan was able to prove via rigorous testing and testimony from the Vulcan High Council that it was impossible for a Vulcan, mentally bonded to a human, to cause their bondmate physical pain."

"Why did she do that?" Jane frowned wondering why any sane person would want to get rid of their bond, get rid of a thing that had always for Jane, until it had been taken from her, filled her with a warm feeling, letting her feel Spock's deep love for her wrap around her like a comforting blanket.

"I remember the case" Spock said softly "She had tired of her Vulcan bondmate and when he refused to break their bond she tried to accuse him of abusing her to force the issue."

"So how can you say you feared you would attack Jane" Jack neatly changed the topic back to the original one "When it has been so clearly proven in a court of law that no Vulcan male could attack his bondmate."

"I said no sane Vulcan would attack their bondmate" Spock corrected "And I doubt after witnessing through a mind meld my wife's infidelity that my sanity would survive. As I said before" He added quietly "Vulcan bonds are much more essential to a Vulcan well being than a human's bond is, and unlike human's Vulcan's rarely cheat as it is illogical to deliberately damage something that is essential for ones well being.

"A bond "Spock went on "bounds Vulcan's together for better or worse and infidelity will damage that bond weakening it, leaving both parties at risk during certain times of a male Vulcan life when the bond is required to be strong enough to bind them together to ensure the male recognizes the female as his mate to ensure no damage is done to the female."

_/Pon Farr/_ Jane suddenly realized what Spock was describing from the older Spocks memories /_The time of mating when Vulcan males lost their vaulted logic and were driven by biological urges/_

"Then why did you not accuse Jane of infidelity until you found out about her pregnancy" Jack looked curious almost despite himself seemingly missing the Vulcan information titbit above "If she had cheated would you not of felt it via your bond?"

"Despite common belief" Spock raised an eyebrow "Sharing a bond does not mean a lack of privacy for either party; it is quite possible for infidelity to occur within a bond without the cheated on mate knowing. As you have studied the Huntington vs. Sorrel case you would know that Mrs Huntington had several lovers during her bonding to Sorrel; lovers he knew nothing about until they were revealed to him in court."

"Yet he did not attack Mrs Huntington" Jack pointed out

"Only because a Vulcan healer was positioned at the ready beside him and was able to help him keep control." Spock fixed Jack with a challenging stare "It is not public knowledge what I am about to tell you but if you chose to check it is easily provable. "

"Sorrel, after his bond was broken with Mrs Huntington, was taken back to Vulcan, with his mind damaged and in disarray, where he chose to go through the kolinahr ritual to purge all emotion in order to regain his control."

"Kolinahr?" Jack queried.

"Vulcan rite of passage to purge all emotions" Jane whispered.

"If I had witnessed via a mind meld my wife's amorous sessions with another man, which I believed I would, I feared my control would break like it did after Vulcan was destroyed and that I would succeed where I had failed then." Spock referred to the incident when he had nearly chocked the life out of her against a bridge console.

"I could not risk touching my mind against hers when all logic and evidence pointed to her infidelity. I could not risk doing harm to the being I treasured above all else"

"But I wasn't unfaithful" Jane swallowed against the lump in her throat as she tried to ignore Spock's words of love "I never cheated on you, I never so much as _fantasised_ about another man in the whole time we were together; you were all I ever wanted, all I ever needed"

Spock lowered his gaze like he could not look her in the eye "I truly believed my proven sterility spoke for itself; I had it tested again upon your positive pregnancy test and it showed that I had no viable sperm: that I was as McCoy so charmingly put it 'Shooting blanks'. It is not even as we had been to a planet and interacted with beings or substances which could have changed my sterility for a short time; we were star charting.

"Yet I am pregnant and it is proven to be yours" Jane breathed out "So how does your beloved logic explain _that_?_"_

"It cannot" Spock admitted "It is what you humans would refer to as a 'miracle'"

"You need to leave" Jane choked out; finally having had enough emotionally for one night "I need to process what you have told me"

Spock bowed his head "I will do as you wish for now, but this conversation is not over as we need to discuss our future."

"I don't think we have a future" Jane shook her head cutting Spock off when it looked like he was going to reply "You cast me out of your life Spock - no matter what your reasons were, you rejected me along with everyone else I cared about. You forced me to rebuild what was left of my life and I did it; I survived and now I do not know if I have a place for you in my new life."

"Our child" Spock began.

"I will never deny you your daughter" Jane told him "It's why I sent you the results; I want my child to have a father." Snorting indelicately she added "I of all people know how important that is"

"Our bond cannot be broken." Spock began again.

"It's already broken' Jane cut in "Maybe the mental bond is still there but everything else; our relationship and my feelings for you have been broken into a thousand pieces and I don't think they can be put back together."

"It is not as simple as that" Spock insisted "Vulcan bondmates are drawn together during certain times of their life despite themselves; we will still be bound together for the rest of our lives no matter what you hope to gain legally."

"During Pon Farr" Jane nodded.

"We do not talk about such things in front of outsiders." Spock looked at Jack stiffly.

"Pon Farr?" Jack's curiosity was definitely peaked now.

Jane went to answer him but was stopped by the look on her bondmate face "I really think we should call it a night" she said instead "Thanks for the pizza Jack" She told her handsome lawyer "But I think I need to go to bed and sort out what has happened here tonight.

Jack looked at her and nodded "I think I will go back to the office and get the ball rolling on obtaining the information from the Vulcan embassy we will need as we explore where we can go legally from here."

Ignoring Spock he looked at her questioningly "You do still want to press ahead with the court case?"

Jane also avoided Spock's eyes "Yes" she confirmed "I at least want to know my legal options."

Nodding Jack walked towards the door with Jane accompanying him "Are you sure you are right being left with him" the dark haired lawyer nodded towards Spock.

"He will be leaving in a moment" Jane shrugged "And as you confirmed yourself he can't hurt me; physically at least."

Jack nodded shoving his hands into his pockets "Well you know my number if you need me; otherwise I will be in touch once I find out the legalities of the situation."

Jane watched him leave then turned around to face her impassive bondmate "Out you go too" She told him.

Spock walked to the door, pausing before exiting it "This is not over" He told his unimpressed bondmate "I will fight to keep you for my mate, even if it is a fight against yourself. I realise I have done you a terrible injustice, no matter how logical I thought it was at the time, but I will not stop until I have regained your regard, I will do anything to prove myself and my love for you once more"

Jane closed her eyes "Why bother?" she asked him "You showed me exactly how important I was to you seven months ago."

Spock bowed his head knowing for now at least he was not going to change her mind "I am not the only one who feels the need to apologize" he told her changing the subject "Dr McCoy and the Enterprise staff acknowledged my need to come apologize to you first but I know they wish to make amends with you as well"

Jane felt tears swell in her eyes and she hastily dashed them away "Tell them to stay away" She warned him "I have no interest in their apologies; they told me with their actions what a whore they thought me to be seven months ago. I don't need that kind of 'friendship'" she told him."And I don't need you, now please leave" She demanded.

"I will see you in court to arrange custody of our child."

Seeing the cornered animal look in her eyes and knowing Jane enough to know when to quit, Spock reached for the door handle and quietly left leaving Jane to lock the door behind him.

Slumping against it she blinked back the tears that had threatened to fall ever since she had seen her wayward bondmate again and sliding down to the ground she rested her head against her knees and gave into them.

She could always blame her damn pregnancy hormones later.


	6. Chapter 6

It was two days since her confrontation with Spock and Jane was buzzing with nerves as she once again sat across from Jack in his now very familiar office. Jack had been very busy with a case and although he had rung to share some bad news and offer some strategies this was their first official meeting and Jack had called her in rather suddenly this morning and he had refused to tell her what it was about over the phone; insisting to see her in person.

Something, she feared, that could mean no good.

"So you said you needed to see me." Jane twirled a piece of blonde hair nervously between two fingers "In person."

"Yes" Jack's face was scrupulously blank, nearly Vulcan like in control "Due to your refusal to see or speak to Spock personally; his lawyer has contacted me and requested a... meeting."

"A meeting?" Jane repeated "To discuss what?"

"That's the thing. They- the Vulcan high consulate - won't tell me. Apparently they are just going to ignore the fact I am your legal counsel." Jack's thinned lips and the frustration evident in his eyes clearly showed his displeasure about that "In fact they insist that the meeting is just to be between you, Spock and a Vulcan high councillor – they insist that it is imperative that no 'foreigner be privy to what they must discuss with you." Jack rolled his eyes "Apparently it is all part of the Vulcan need to keep everything related to them a secret."

"They are a private species" Jane murmured, before mentally head slapping herself. Why was she still defending them? Defending him?

"But as your lawyer it is necessary that I have all the facts and information need to represent you adequately if this custody dispute does ever manage to come to a court. Not to mention the fact that I have to advise against going into any meeting with Spock unrepresented."

"When do they want to do the meeting?" Jane queried.

"Today – they informed me they planned to be here in half an hour" Jack told her "But you can't seriously be thinking about doing it Jane. As your lawyer I really do have to strongly advise against it."

"Weren't you the one who advised me that I might have to beat out my own custody agreement with Spock" Jane reminded him; it had been one of the thing they had discussed on the phone.

As the wronged party and the mother; Jane was sure to win custody of their daughter BUT as a Vulcan and a son of an ambassador Jack had warned Jane that if Spock could get their child to Vulcan then there was a possibility that Spock could win custody.

He had then advised Jane to try to get a federation endorsed legally binding custody agreement signed by Spock that would guarantee joint custody by both party; after all he had reasoned Jane had always been planning to give Spock joint custody so she should use that to her advantage.

"Yes" Jack agreed slightly inclining his head "But with legal representation on both sides to ensure the best outcome for all involved. If you don't have anyone to represent you it is possible that they may..." Jack broke off obviously searching for words "Browbeat you into agreeing to something that you might later regret."

"Browbeat me?" Jane shook her head "This is my child's future we are talking about Jack. I have faced down Klignons, homicidal Romulans and worst. I can assure you I won't let my ex husband and any high counsellor brow beat me into anything."

"Jane" Jack sighed and reached for her hand across the desk "I really do advise against this. What could he possibly have to say to you at this point – you are clearly still at a standstill? Why is he even asking for this meeting in the first place? What has changed in the last couple of days?"

"I don't know" Jane shrugged "Unless Spock is worried about your presence in my life. Probably because you were at my apartment so late at night that time you brought pizza over."

Jane closed her eyes before going on "Knowing my territorial bondmate he probably thinks something is going on between us which is ridiculous because I am eight months pregnant with his child and about as svelte and appealing as a beached whale" She shook her head in disbelief at the ridiculousness that anyone could find her desirable at the moment "ANd seeing how I told him in an email when he asked for a meeting that our relationship is definately over he probably is worried"

"Is that all you told him" Jack looked at her intently.

"No" she shook her head "I told him I planned on moving on. That I had no intent of being faithful to broken vows and empty promises. That even if we couldn't break our bond that I had no intent on every going back and being his bondmate again'

"Is it true" Jack asked her softly; something unidentifiable gleaming in his eyes "Are you over Spock."

Jane looked down at her lap; over Spock?

No.

Unfortunately she was just as in love with her faithless bondmate as she had been eight months ago on the Enterprise but the only one who had to know that was her. And she planned on smothering her feelings for Spock so far down in her that they would never see the light of day again.

"Yes" she lied; she might as well start smothering those feelings straight away "Spock broke our relationships and destroyed any love I had for him eight months ago. I am totally over him and just want to move on with my life."

Jack grinned at her; white teeth flashing in the well lit room "So why is it so ridiculous that you and I might be anything worth Spock worrying about."

Jane threw her head back and laughed "Look at me" she invited him.

"I am looking" he told her huskily "And believe me when I tell you I see a sexy, desirable woman."

"But I'm eight months pregnant. I'm huge." Jane stuttered out, her mouth suddenly going dry.

"Exactly" Jack pushed his chair away from his desk and stood and walking over to her took both of her hands in his as she rose to meet him "You are so beautiful at the moment." He shook his head obviously trying to find the words to describe his feelings "You are so ripe and gorgeous." He laid a hand on her stomach "You are so full of life and there is nothing more desirable than that."

She stared up at him wide eyed; she had gotten the occasionally feeling that he was attracted to her but she had always ignored it as wishful thinking.

After all she was pregnant, and heavily so, with another man's baby but the now blatant desire in his eyes was hard to ignore and she watched dazed as he leaned in to kiss her.

His lips met hers and she opened her lips in surprise before leaning into the kiss; the first intimacy and more than fleeting human contact she had had since Spock threw her off the Enterprise.

She had just put her hands on his neck to pull him closer when the door to his office opened and Jack shocked secretary gasped and dropped the files she had in her hands as she stared at the scene in front of her; her boss was passionately kissing his client.

His married client.

His married client who husband, who's _**Vulcan**_ husband was growling threatening behind her as he also took in the same scene she was witnessing.


	7. Chapter 7

_**She had just put her hands on his neck to pull him closer when the door to his office opened and Jack shocked secretary gasped and dropped the files she had in her hands as she stared at the scene in front of her.**_

_**Her boss was passionately kissing his client. **_

_**His married client.**_

_**His married client who husband, whose Vulcan husband was growling threatening behind her as he also took in the same scene she was witnessing.**_

"Remove your hands from my bondmate at once." Spock snarled; his Vulcan control obviously lost as his eyes took in the couple kissing in front of him.

Jane and Jack broke apart with a start; Jane turning to stare at the husband she had, for at least a brief moment, forgotten about for the first time in seven months.

"Spock" Jane looked at her bondmate guiltily even as she shook herself mentally for feeling guilty – they were after all over, crashed and burned due to his lack of trust so she could kiss whomever she wished guilt free.

But the annoying guilt soon turned into worry as she quickly noted the anger that was flickering over her husband's usually controlled expression as well as his tightly clenched fist; he was obviously furious and the anger was obviously directed at the man standing slightly behind her.

Jane began to quietly panic as Spock began to advance towards them his intent clear on his normally unreadable face and she quickly moved so Jack was placed between her and Spock.

The last time she had seen him this mad was when he was choking her over a console.

"Move" Spock told her tersely; obviously she had not been that discreet at her attempt to protect Jack and unfortunately all it had seemed to do was raise Spock's ire.

"Not a chance." She replied. She really did not need Jack's blood on the walls... or on her conscience.

"Jack" she turned to her lawyer "Is there anywhere Spock and I can go for that... conference."

"Jane" he pulled her to his side; his eyes widening and his body tensing as Spock growled at him once more "I am not leaving you alone with him."

"It's not me he wants to hurt" Jane tensely told him keeping one eye on her Vulcan bondmate. "Look we have discussed this before; physically he can't touch me and lets face it Jack; Spock and I really do need to talk. It's time we sort this mess out and organize custody for our daughter"

"I will give you my office" Jack sighed "But I am phoning security and getting them to keep an eye on you"

Jane sighed but nodded her agreement "Fine."

Still Jack stayed in the room for a long moment, looking between Jane and then Spock with his concern for her written all over his face before he sighed and turned and excited the room; leaving a wide berth between him and the obviously furious Vulcan.

Left alone in the room with her husband Jane paused unsure of how to commence but her mental debate of how best to progress was shattered with one question by her husband. .

"Are you engaging in a sexual relationship with your so called lawyer?" Spock demanded.

Whirling around to face him, her fury at that question written over her face Jane spat out "That is none of your business."

"You are my bondmate" Spock retorted "That would render the answer to my question relevant to my knowledge."

"You may be my bondmate" Jane told him softly but with a note of steel lacing her tone "But only because our bond cannot be broken. Our _**relationship**_ however was shattered by your lack of trust in me, by your rejection of me and our unborn child and as far as I am concerned our marriage is over. That makes me single again"

"You are not single" Spock grated "You are my mate; you carry my unborn child..."

Jane cut him off abruptly "You must be joking" she looked at him in disbelief "You threw me out of your life, you refused to return any of the numerous correspondences I sent you, messages where I _**pleaded**_with you to believe me, where I begged you to trust that the child I am carrying was yours then when I kept on contacting you, you threatened me with legal action if I continued my _**harassment of**_ you – your words by the way not mine."

She broke off to take an angry breath before continuing "But now, now that you have medical proof that what I was telling you from the start was true; that the child I carry is your, you have the audacity to tell me we are what? Married? Bound together by law?" Jane shook her head as Spock open his mouth to speak and to undoubtable offer pathetic explanations for his trespasses against her

"No" she told him firmly cutting him off "**You** do not get to speak. I am speaking now. You passed sentence on me as soon as you found out I was pregnant; you painted me with a scarlet A and threw me off of **MY** ship as a slut and a whore. You killed any feelings I have ever had for you and believe me when I say that I have no intentions of ever taking you back. Our relationship is dead and as far as I am concerned I am free to sleep with whomever I please; be it Jack or the whole fucking fleet."

Spock face had gone paler than what she had ever seen it "Jane" his voice was not its usual confident, controlled modulated tones but for the first time since she had known him shaky and uncertain "You must believe that I am immensely sorry for my regrettable actions against you. Yet you must understand that my actions were..."

"Logical" Jane agreed "Yes I suppose they were"

A fleeting look of hope appeared on Spocks face before she ruthlessly quashed it "But" she went on "Love is not logical. If you had really loved me" she went on "You would have trusted me; you would have believed in my innocence and you would of accepted that the child I carry was yours from the get go. You would have used that big brain of yours to figure out how we had been BLESSED with this miracle. You would of shared in the last seven months of my pregnancy thus ensuring that my pregnancy was a happy and joyful event it should have been and not the stressed out and lonely time it has been."

Jane broke off there and looked at Spock with a sadness that cut him to the bone "Spock, you need to realise that there is no excuse or reason that you can give me that will make me forgive you and take you back. We are over."

"Our child deserves a family" Spock told her quietly.

"She will have a mother who loves her" Jane told him "And she will have a father who loves her. She just won't have a mother and father who love each other."

Jane sank down in a padded armchair tiredly "Spock I am willing, for my child's sake, to share custody with you but that is the only concession I am willing to offer you. If you have any hopes of winning me back I advise you to abandon them. I don't love you anymore."

At least, Jane pondered, that lie was getting easier to say every time she said it.

"You must know that due to his Vulcan biology" A new voice entered the conversation as a tall, silver haired and austere looking older Vulcan entered the room "There will be periods in Spock's life where he will require his mate, where he will require you to meet his biological needs."

Jane looked hard at the newcomer; had he been eaves dropping? This must be the other Vulcan that Jack warned her about; the one who demanded a meeting between her and Spock.

"Pon Farr?" she queried them; smiling in amusement as both Vulcan males flinched

"Indeed" The older Vulcan got over his shock of her casual use of a phase that induced fear in a usually emotionless race before Spock to respond to her question.

"So he can use a proxy mate"Jane told them tartly "Because I won't willingly have sex with him ever again."

"A 'proxy' mate as you so charmingly put will offer Spock no relieve in the flames of his fire. He will require you and your bond"

"Well he should have thought of that before he threw me out of his life." Jane told the unnamed Vulcan tiredly. "He chose to end our relationship seven months ago. Not me."

"His logic at the time was faultless" The austere Elder told her "He was proven sterile numerous times by both the esteemed VSA as well as the venerated CMO of the Enterprise, one Leonard McCoy. The possibility that he could have fathered your child was rendered impossible in the face of his confirmed sterility."

"Yet" Jane told the elder sarcastically "Here he is the confirmed FATHER of my child.

"Indeed an unforeseeable turn of events" The elder conceded "Yet how was he supposed to ignore, the regrettably incorrect, truth he was at the time offered?"

"We call it trust on Earth" Jane told him.

"He is Vulcan." The elder raised an eyebrow at her "We do not 'trust', we accept logical and scientifically proven facts as they are proven and presented to us."

"Well that is great for you" Jane told him flatly "But I am human and we expect our love ones to trust us." Jane shook her head "We could go round and round all day but the facts of the matter are Spock and I are over and the only thing left to arrange now is custody arrangements for our child not an impossible reconciliation or whatever it is you hoped to gain here."

"Reconciliation between you and Spock is both logical and necessary; you are th'yla, and as such you will be bonded for the rest of your lives." He told her severely "Are you willing to allow your bondmate, the father of your child to succumb to the flames during his next time?"

"So what" Jane stared at the man and dodging a question she had no answer for; could she let Spock die? "I am expected to never have another chance of love? I am expected to wait around for seven years at a time so I can do my 'duty' as Spock's very own blow up toy?"

"You are expected" The older Vulcan told her "To fulfil the duties you willingly agreed to when you bonded to Spock."

"Screw that" Jane told both Vulcan's angrily "He is not the one who has been betrayed. It was me who lost everything I ever loved because of his lack of faith and trust in me. I am willing to be reasonable about custody for the sake of our child but hell will freeze over before I allow him to lay one finger on me ever again. Before I reassume our relationship."

"I also have no intent on being single for the rest of my life" Jane informed them, "Hell I have no intent on being celibate for the rest of my life. I intend on finding love again and barring that I intend on having a lot of good sex."

"You will not allow another man to lay a hand on you" Spock all but growled at her.

"You have no say in my sex life anymore" Jane told him "You lost that right seven months ago when you chose to eject me from your life."

Jane and Spock glared at each other for a couple of moments before Jane shook her head - they were never going to get anywhere at the moment they were at an stand still until Spock could accept they were over.

"We are getting nowhere here gentleman." She told them wearily wanting nothing more than to go home and to relax and forget about this conversation. "When you are ready to meet to discuss custody arrangement's let me know but for now we are done.

And with that she purposely walked out of the room without looking back.


	8. Chapter 8

Jane had just exited Jack's office when two Starfleet officers dressed in formal uniform approached her.

"Jane Kirk?" The older one of the pair asked her looking her over from head and toe; obviously not matching the tired, worn out eight months pregnant woman in front of him to the glossy Star Fleet poster girl Captain she had been.

"Yes" Jane answered curiously; what the fuck did Starfleet want? They had not tried to contact her once since she had sent the genetic matching to both them and Spock nearly a month ago now. So why were they bothering now?

"My name is Lieutenant Pierce and this" He gestured to his companion "Is Lieutenant Kent. We have been ordered to retrieve you and to bring both you and Captain Spock to Starfleet head quarters." Pierce informed her.

Jane raised one eyebrow at him (At least being bonded to Spock had allowed her to learn that trick!) "I don't think so" She told him flatly "As I am no longer a Starfleet officer you have no right to detain me or to give me orders."

Jane flinched as she heard Jack's office open and then heard the familiar footsteps of her husband as he exited the office.

"Jane is correct." The Vulcan Captain told the two officers "As she is no longer a member of Starfleet, you do not have any authority over her to demand she accompanies you anywhere. As per regulation 345, section 57 – which states no Starfleet officer has the right to take a civilian into Starfleet custody or protection unless they are in danger or it is a matter of Starfleet security"

Obviously his Vulcan hearing had allowed him to overhear their demands.

Jane rolled her eyes; at least she could always count on Spock to know and be able to correctly quote Starfleet regulations.

"See boys" She told them, a fake smile on her face "Not going." And with that she attempted to walk past them but she quickly found her path blocked.

"Please Miss Kirk" Lieutenant Pierce told her regretfully "Do not make this any harder than it has to be; we have our orders from Admiral Pike. We are to escort you to Starfleet"

Reaching out to take her arm, the Lieutenant quickly drop it a second later when Spock intervened harshly ordering him to "Remove your hands from my bondmate, Lieutenant"

After one look at the placid yet obviously enraged Vulcan's face and realising his mistake the officer did so quickly.

"What does Pike want?" Jane asked him tiredly; would this day never end? It did not look like she was going to get to go home to rest anytime soon.

"I was not privy to that information" The man told her stiffly "But I would imagine it is pertinent to Starfleet security" He sent this piece of information to a stony face Spock.

"If I do not go with you, Starfleet is just going to harass me until I give in aren't they?" Jane said realistically.

"I would not use those terms" Pierce told her stiffly "But as it is of apparent upmost importance that you report to base I would say essentially you are correct."

"Fine" Jane threw her hands up in the air "At least it will give me a chance to give the fleet and Pike a piece of my mind." She smiled maliciously at the officers and Spock "And believe me after their treatment of me, I have quite a few things I would like to say."

The ride to the San Francisco's Starfleet headquarter one was an awkward one full of tense silence as she resolutely ignored Spock and the other Starfleet officers presence; she may of been left little choice but to accompany them but it did not mean she had to appreciate their heavy handed tactics.

After the blessedly quick ride to Starfleet headquarters Jane quickly found herself, and Spock, hustled towards what she quickly recognized as the quickest route to Pikes office and before she knew it she was staring at the door of her former commanding officer and mentor.

Watching as Pierce gave a sharp knock at the door Jane swallowed heavily as she heard Pikes familiar voice call out "Enter."

Kent quickly opened the door and gestured for both her and Spock to enter.

"Admiral" He addressed the man behind the desk "Captain Spock and Miss Kirk as ordered."

"Thank you Lieutenant" Pike told his subordinate gravely as he looked at his former protégé and the woman both he and the entire flee had treated so wrongly "You may leave now."

Both Pierce and Kent sharply saluted before spinning around and hastily exiting the room.

"Jane please have a seat" Pike gestured towards the overstuffed chair at the other side of his desk.

Her feet aching, as is common at the late stage of pregnancy Jane was presently in, Jane sank down into the chair before fixing Pike with a deadly glare "Would you be so kind as to explain why I was extended such a gracious invitation by your goons to come visit you?"

Pike winced; he knew Jane would not take kindly to being ordered to Starfleet HQ but he had had no choice; he had no time to prepare or retrieve her himself as he had spent most of the morning in meetings concerning what had happened to make this meeting so important.

"As you can imagine" Pike began, tiredly rubbing one hand over his eyes – it had been early morning when command had woke him up with this... problem "As soon as Starfleet was informed via your lawyers letter about the genetic profile that invalidates all of Starfleet's charges against you relating to your dishonourable conduct due to behaviour unfitting an officer we began to send out feelers through all the planets you had last contact with to see how this... unfortunate situation arose."

"My pregnancy" Jane stated firmly "Is not an unfortunate situation; I love and want my child."

"As do I" Spock interjected softly

Pike winced; that is not what he had meant "You misunderstand me, Jane" He told her "I meant the unfortunate situation that led to you being dishonourably discharged and grounded on earth, the circumstances that led to yours and Spock conceiving even though he is clinically sterile, a fact that led to Spock's and your entire crew belief that you had been unfaithful to him and that your pregnancy was a product of your extramarital affair. "

"I think" Jane told him tartly "That would be obvious. It would be through the lack of respect and trust shown to me by my supposed nearest and dearest" At this she looked accusingly at Spock.

"A regrettable but understandable event" Pike sighed "You must know Jane that Spock has submitted to further testing from Starfleet medical since we learnt the truth about your conception; and all test come back negative towards him being able to father children."

"We concluded therefore that your pregnancy was made possible via alien intervention; possibly using technology we ourselves have no knowledge of."

"Fascinating" Jane said in a slightly patronizing tone; did Pike have a point here?

"A fact" He went on "That was proven today when we received a transmission from the high command of V'tga.

"V'tga?" Jane probed through her memory before recalling the lovely tranquil planet and the tall, lavender humanoids that inhabited it.

Beings that she and the Enterprise had made first contact with over 9 months ago; just before they started star charting.

There had been a few language barriers between the V'tgas and the Enterprise crew. The V'tga's had a complex language made up of both words, telepathic communication as well as body language so despite Uhura and the Universal Translators best efforts it had sometimes been hard to translate the meanings behind their actions.

But for once the natives had been friendly and very hospitable and a trade agreement had been quickly if roughly hammered out by Kirk, Spock and the V'tga's representatives; with plans for it to be followed up by trained diplomats at another time.

"Yes" Pike replied heavily "Do you recall their parting gift to you?"

"A plant?" Jane guessed hazily.

If memory served correct it was a plant as lavender as its givers.

A plant that the high T'achi of V'tgas had been most insistent should be both kept in Jane's quarters and be used to make a sweet tea for Jane to consume each morning.

The first cup of fore mention tea had been given to her in the gifting ceremony at a time where she could hardly refuse and it had been quickly scanned by bones and deemed drinkable with no foreseeable medicinal benefits or even any side effects.

She had enjoyed it so much that with further study by her protective CMO and with his approval, after he had scanned it for god knows what; she had begun to enjoy a cup of it with her breakfast.

"Why" Jane brow furrowed; it's not like a plant and a cup of tea could get her knocked up. If anything Spock would have had to drink it to make that viable and he hadn't; he had steadfastly refused when she had offered him a cup a couple of times.

Human and Vulcan's taste buds were completely different.

"According to the representative that commed us today it is a fertility plant used by unfertile couples on Vtga to achieve conception. Apparently the woman drinks the tea which boosts her fertility and changes some chemical in her body that enhances sperm viability. The plant then releases an inhalable chemical that makes the male partner sperm fertile when he" Pike closed his eyes blushing profusely "Ejaculates into the tea drinking woman mixing their essences and bonding both chemicals together to ensure viable sperm. Or so I understand the process"

Jane blushed as well at that; this was just like having the birds and bees talk with your parents.

"So this is how Jane became pregnant with my child?" Spock questioned. "Yet how did they know about... our troubles in that department."

"Further investigation of the V'ga people have shown them to be empathetic not just telepathic, I would suppose one of our newest friends sensed it."

"And being a race who placed high regards on child bearing and families they decided to rectify our situation?" Jane concluded

"Yes" Pike confirmed before turning to face Jane and Spock "You must understand however that the downside of this is when Spock provide specimens of his sperm for testing without you, Jane, being in the picture it is still unviable. It is only when you has been drinking the tea and you have been engaging in sexual relations that his sperm will be fertile."

Turning to face Jane "That is why Spock's results kept on come back sterile; it is a two part process and to be viable his sperm needs to come in contact with your... "He left it hanging still blushing.

"Yet if either Spock or Starfleet had bothered to throw out any 'feelers' eight months ago we could have discovered the truth back then; without me being thrown out of Starfleet and being rejected as a slut and a whore by everyone I have every loved."

"Starfleet takes full responsibility for their lack of investigation into this unfortunate matter" Pike told her "I have orders from command and with your approval, the brass is willing to reinstate your commission and I am in the process of organizing the overturning of your dishonourable discharge and the back paying of all monies and wages owed to you."

"While I will welcome the monies owing to me and the written and public apology I am sure that the admiralty and high command is in the middle of issuing me" Jane gave Pike a hard stare "Please tell me why I want to rejoin an organization that has show so little faith in me? That has treated me so disgustingly? I have" She told Pike "No plans of taking my wayward bondmate back so why should I forgive Starfleet when they have tarred me with the same brush he did?"


	9. Chapter 9

Pike leaned forward in his chair "I realise that Starfleet, myself included, have done you a grave disservice regarding your pregnancy. But please, Jane, do not cut off your nose to spite your face."

"Exactly how am I doing that?" Jane asked coolly.

"I once said you deserved more than an ordinary life, you are not suited to be a civilian. Do not throw your career away over this." Pike looked at her intently. "Starfleet has authorised me to offer you an opportunity most Captains would sell their soul for. I guess you could call it our apology."

"What could Starfleet possibly offer me?" Jane asked "They have already given him" she pointed towards Spock "My ship. The flagship. Why would I want to settle for anything... less?"

"How about the new flagship?" Pike asked her.

"What!" Jane eyes jerked towards him in shock. From the corners of her eye she could also see Spock stiffen, obviously he had not known about this."

"The new flag ship." Pike repeated softly, reaching out to switch a flip and a holo of a ship flickered to life, and as it rotated in front of her she noted the ship was significantly bigger than the Enterprise and as she scanned it she noticed it looked more impressive. The whole ship in general looked much more impressive, loath as she was to admit it.

"Check out its specs" Pike encouraged her, handing her a data padd "It has the capacity to hold a crew of over 800 compared to the Enterprise's 457. It also has new weaponry; weaponry we have been working on since Nero's visit. Its science labs are doubled in size and will have the most technologically advanced equipment available to any ship in the fleet.. "

"And" Pike broke off, fixing his gaze on Jane seriously ""it has a separate battle bridge allowing the saucer section holding all the nonessential personnel a chance to escape, while the weapon and warp drive sections hold off the enemy. It'll assist in preventing another Kelvin incident and it means that the families and" he broke off to stare at her mean fully "Family members like your daughter would be safe. It allows us the chance to allow married crew members to bring their families along for long missions; we will offer teachers and educational facilities for children – offering them the finest educational possible. We expect this to double our recruitment numbers."

Jane bit her lip, entranced by the ship floating in front of her before snapping her eyes back to Pike "I would get to choose my crew?" she demanded more than asked.

Pike frowned "We would of course make sure, as it always has, that the flagship crew is the best of the best in their departments."

"No" Jane shook her head. "I would want final decision in all of my crew, the best of the best includes many of the Enterprise crew and I WON'T work with them again." (

"Jane" Pike began.

"No" Jane interrupted him forcefully "You have to understand where I am coming from." She drummed her fingers against the chair arm nervously as she searched for the words she needed.

"Nobody believed me" she said finally her voice soft and laced with past hurt "Not one member of my whole crew of 456 thought for even a second 'Hey my captain is not capable of the heinous crime we are accusing her of' " Her eyes flickered towards her still, statue like husband who radiated guilt "Not even the ones I should have been able to count on. They all found me guilty and condemned me without a trial."

Jane's eyes closed and she grimaced as she felt the pain of their betrayal and rejection anew "They all immediately and as one labelled me as a cheating, adulterous slut. They all took poor, cheated on Spock's side. They all voted to have me evicted and exiled from my own SHIP." Jane's eyes opened and she implored Pike "So you tell me how I am meant to ever trust THEM again. How am I meant to expect them, the crew who so quickly found me guilty, to follow my orders, to guard my back?"

Jane shook her head sadly.

"I can't" she told him simply "And if a Captain cannot trust her crew it means the mission will fail and fail miserably."

Pike looked at Jane his face serious "I can see your point Jane" he conceded "But I will have to run it by admiralty. You have to realise a lot of the senior staff on the Enterprise are the most qualified and competent officers in their positions in the fleet. To reassign them and to send them to smaller, less important ships may mean the new flagship is not suitably crewed with the most appropriate staff. That too could be dangerous."

Jane inclined her head at him "I understand "she told him "But I need a crew I can trust. That I can rely on and unfortunately that will never be my old crew." Her eyes met Spock's pained ones "Including my former First Officer."

"Jane" Spock began his voice hoarser than she had ever heard it.

Jane cut him off with a shake of her head "I meant it when I said I did not love you anymore" she lied through her teeth "I also don't trust you as far as I could throw your Vulcan body. I don't need a First Officer I can't trust."

Spock mouth closed his eyes sad and haunted as he just looked at her.

Pike, obviously trying to break the tension in the room, began to speak again "It does not matter anyway, the Enterprise will be refitted as a science research ship and you" he told Spock "Will be her Captain."

"Under Federation law" Spock told Pike stiffly "You cannot separate Vulcan bondmates. I would respectfully decline and resign my position if necessary"

"I am sure the Federation will make an exception this time" Jane told him sweetly "Due to the fact that this Vulcan's bondmate would be happy to be separated from him."

"So you will condemn me to death then." Spock asked her softly, his face resigned.

Jane flinched then sighed, she had forgotten about Pon Farr which was probably the reason why the Vulcan's had put that provision into the Federation law and Starfleet regulations to begin with. She supposed that if they were at the opposite ends of the universe when he went into Pon Farr he would die in flames before he got to her.

"What are you talking about?" Pike asked a confused frown on his face.

"It is a private matter between myself and my bondmate" Spock told him stiffly.

Looking between a stiff Spock and a silent Jane, Pike sighed "I will take your concerns to the admiralty he told her. "I should have an answer for you by the end of the week. If they agree to your conditions are you willing to take the command" he asked her.

Jane looked at the beautiful ship still floating in front of her in all its silvery glory. Could she really turn this down? Turn down that beautiful ship, a ship where she could raise her child?

"Yes" she told him almost involuntary her gaze still on the ship in front of her.

Pike smiled, he was sure he had worn the same enraptured expression when he had first seen the specs for the Enterprise.

"What is her name" Jane directed her stare back at Pike.

"The Endeavour" He told her smiling.


	10. Chapter 10

**Where we left off... Jane had just received a new ship: The Endeavour! **

"_**What is her name" Jane directed her stare back at Pike.**_

"_**The Endeavour" He told her smilingly.**_

Jane rubbed her stomach as a short pain dashed through her mid region.

It had been a long week since Jane had set eyes on her new ship, a week that had been filled with the mountains of paper work that she had to read, sign and return to Star fleet to make her sudden recommission a reality.

With all the paper work the admiralty were sending her way she was beginning to think that maybe she should of stolen the holo of the Endeavour from Pikes office to have a memento on hand to remind herself why she was submitting herself to this mile of red tape nightmare; for the eight months that she had been out of Starfleet it had seemed she had forgotten about their love for all things paperwork; all of which apparently had to be signed in triplicate and witnessed by the devil himself!

Doctor appointments had filled in the rest of the week; with only a month left to go before the arrival of her little girl and with her child's rare hybrid heritage to consider, Dr Peterson, who reminded her more of Bones than she sometimes felt comfortable with was erring on this side of caution and seeing her every second day to ensure both she and her still unnamed daughter were in top health.

And as if that was not enough as well as dealing with Star Fleet and Doctor Appointments Jane had also been busy avoiding Jack.

Looking back on the kiss she and her handsome lawyer had shared, she had almost immediately came to the conclusion that it had been a really bad idea and one not to be repeated.

Although she was attracted to her gorgeous lawyer she had almost instantly realised that with all of her baggage which included

being eight months pregnant to another man,

undealt issues with previously mentioned father of her child who just happened to be her current bondmate

This was not even mentioning the Endeavour and subsequent and upcoming 5 year mission.

It was definitely not the best time to start anything up. Jack deserved someone who was not on the rebound.

So mentally she was exhausted; the only blessing from this week had been the fact that she had heard neither hide nor hair from her ex bondmate. It would appear that he had finally gotten the message that she was not interested in his pitiful excuses.

Or so she thought.

Having signed yet another official document agreeing to return to Starfleet and giving them all but her soul (or so it seemed) Jane paused as she heard a knock on the door and smiled; she was expecting a cookie run from Mrs D.

Deciding now was just as good a time as any to have a well deserved break, Jane waddled towards the door and threw it open smile on her face ready to greet her ex employer (who had taken Jane's resignation from waitressing last week with a huge smile, warm hug and even warmer congratulations on the new ship).

But the woman in front of her was not Mrs De Luca, her delightful ex employer... but Lady Amanda Grayson, her ex mother in law.

"Lady Grayson" Jane automatically placed a protective hand on her rounded middle and looked haplessly at her ex mother in law. She had not been expecting this and she was definitely not looking her best as she was clad only in a baggy sweat shirt and pants and had her hair had been casually thrown up into a ponytail.

Unlike Spock's mother who as always looked impeccable and the very portrait of a lady.

The very image of a proper Vulcan bondmate and an ambassador's wife.

"Jane' Spock's mother said in a quiet voice "May I come in?" she asked

Stepping back from the doorway Jane allowed her ex bondmates mother to walk past her; glad at least that the nesting stage of pregnancy had kicked in and that her flat, small and modest as it would seem to an ambassadors wife, was scrupulously clean.

Leading Amanda through to the living room Jane bowed her head as she remembered the previously warm and understanding bond they had once shared; a bond that had been mostly based on the sole fact that Spock had been the most important person in the world to BOTH of them and that subsequently Amanda had came to think of Jane, the person who had made her son the happiest he had ever been, as a daughter not just a daughter in law.

That was until eight months prior when over vid link a furious Amanda Grayson had damned Jane and her nonexistent lover to the deepest bowels of hell.

She had even put Uhura to shame as she had had chastised Jane in no less than 6 alien tongues.

When they were both seated and not knowing what to say Jane asked "Can I offer you refreshments'

Startled looking Lady Grayson nodded her head "A cup of tea would be heavenly, please Jane"

Waddling to the kitchen, Jane could not help but wonder what Amanda was doing here? Jane pondered this for the couple of minutes it took her to program tea into the replicator, Amanda was probably here to try to convince her to take Spock back and to resume her bondmate duties Jane concluded.

Carrying the tea into the living room Jane decided to cut directly to the point Jane began "Look I know Spock probably sent you here to..."

"Spock does not know I am here" Amanda gently interrupted her.

"Then why are you here?" Jane asked her bluntly.

'To intervene on my son's behalf' Amanda replied calmly, like the proper bondmate and mother Jane could only dream about being.

Standing up agitated Jane shook her head 'What do you possibly think you could say that he has not already" Jane demanded, hand on her stomach as she felt a small but intense pain jolt through her core.

"I don't know" Lady Grayson admitted "But I do know that he, that WE, did wrong by you and that you have every reason to never forgive him, to never forgive us."

"But" Jane gritted as she was rocked by yet another small but intense pain that lasted longer than the others.

"But" Amanda sighed "I don't want to see my grandchild suffer. Or" she went on quietly "My son."

"And you think I do?" questioned Jane incredulously "Do you think this is how I would have ever planned to have brought a child into this world? With a father and mother who can't stand each other? Who hate each other?"

"Spock does not hate you' Amanda shook her head vehemently "Even when he believed you to be unfaithful I do not believe that he could fully bring himself to hate you"

"Yeah?" Jane questioned rubbing her aching belly "Well he sure did a good imitation of it then. Anyway" she went on "It does not matter if he loves or hates me. I hate HIM and I have no plans of acting like a dutiful bondmate and taking him back."

Amanda eyed Jane off considerately "Do you really intend to let my son, your husband and father of your child to die in the flames of his next Pon Farr?" she questioned her ex daughter in law.

Jane paused, did she? When it came down to it if Spock went into Pon Farr in a couple of months could she really allow him to succumb to flames?

"I" she broke off as an even deeper pain flickered through her and she suddenly felt liquid gush down her legs to pool at her feet.

Looking at horror at a suddenly wide eyed Amanda Jane started to panic.

"I think my waters just broke"


	11. Chapter 11

Jane held the precious bundle close to her as she looked with adoration into her new daughter's sweet sleeping face; all thoughts of the excruciating pain of a 15 hour labour a distance memory as she memorized her beautiful baby face eternally into her mind and heart.

Her beautiful daughter who was blessed with a cap of dark hair, a cute button nose, adorably pointy ears and her father's (and grandmothers) deep soulful brown eyes.

Yes. Her daughter was a dead ringer for her faithless father and Jane lips twitched into a smile despite herself as she imagined Spock's face when he saw his doppelganger daughter for the first time.

Jane shouldn't have bothered for a genetic work up after all; her daughters paternity was written all over her beautiful small face.

"Have you decided on a name yet?" The blonde nurse who had been assigned to her looked up from Jane chart.

Still staring in wonder at her sleeping baby face, Jane just shook her head "Not yet."

There was a knock on the door and Amanda peeked in "Can I come in?" she asked sounding characteristically unsure of herself.

Looking at the woman that she could privately admit to herself, who had been a god send from the very moment Jane water had broke.

Amanda had steadfastly refused to leave her (ex) daughter in law side for even one moment, much to Jane's unspoken relief; the one part of labour she had been dreading had been the fact that she had known from the start that she would fact it alone.

Amanda had not even spoken Spock's name, which considering how loyal and loving a mother she was much had been hard work.

No, all Amanda had done, was support and encouraged Jane through the fifteen agonizing hours it had taken to bring Jane's daughter and Amanda's granddaughter safely into the world.

"Of course" Jane said softly, smiling gently as her daughter who was blinkingly waking up and looking solemnly at her mother "Would you like a hold?"

All anger at her (ex) mother in law had drained away as Amanda had patiently encouraged her through her hard labour; bringing her ice chips and wiping the sweat off of her face and now all she felt was gratitude towards the woman who was looking at her daughter with such awe and love.

Arm stretched out eagerly, Amanda readily took the precious bundle from Jane's arms as she lovingly gathered her first born grandchild against her chest, blinking back tears as she looked into her grandchild's eerily familiar, solemn face "She looks just like Spock did when he was a baby"

"I know" Jane said soberly; she had oohed and aahed over Spock's baby photos that Amanda had pressed upon her on the first formal 'in law' meeting and the resemblance between father and daughter was remarkable.

Jane watched as tears started to pool in Amanda eyes and drip slowly down her face, "I never thought this moment would happen" Amanda admitted. "We were told from birth that Spock was sterile. That he would never be able to have children of his own due to his hybrid nature which rendered him sterile"

Jane was lost for words as the reality of Spock's defence of his crimes against her hit home as she watched with prim and proper Mother in law dissolve into tears; how awe inspiring must this moment be for Amanda? To hold the grandchild that she never dreamed she would have.

And how more awesome would it be for Spock? To look at and behold a child that he was always told (and mocked came a cynical voice in Jane's head.) was an impossibility

"I thought we might call her Isobel" Jane cleared her voice, the decision about her child's name suddenly clear..

"Isobel?" Amanda's head snapped up "Like..." she left it hanging.

"After your mother. After Spock's grandmother" Spock had always spoken with a quiet reverence about his grandmother; a woman who had delighted in Spock's once a year visits to earth.

A woman who had loved Spock almost as much as his much loved mother and who had died just before Spock had bucked his father's expectation and refused the VSA and entered Star fleet at eighteen.

Once when they were discussing the possibilities of adoption as a way to have children, Spock had spoken of his desire to name his daughter after the woman who had meant so much to both himself and his mother.

Jane had rejected the name out of hand during her pregnancy, Spock's betrayal cutting like a knife but now as she looked at Isobel cradled so lovingly in her grandmothers arm Jane could not imagine another name that would suit her daughter more.

"Isobel" Amanda breathed, running one gentle hand over a plumb, smooth cheek.

"Isobel Kirk" Jane confirmed.

A nurse, brunette this time, wandered in and looked indulgently at the scene in front of her before saying "Your bond mate is outside" pausing she added with a questioning tone "It mentioned in your file that he would need your permission to see your daughter..." The nurses curiosity over Jane's request and subsequent private life was rampant in her eyes as she added "And you"

The moment broken, Jane looked at the nurse in a daze "Spock is outside" she questioned as her eyes travelled to her suddenly tense mother in law.

"I informed him of his daughter's birth" Amanda said seeing the question in Jane's eyes.

Closing her eyes for a moment Jane took a deep breath. What had she expected? Amanda was Spock's mother after all; her loyalty was clear.

And Spock did after all have a right to know he was a father and hadn't she promised her daughter (and Spock) that she would never try to deny them knowledge or a relationship with each other.

Wasn't that the reason she had sent the genetic testing results to Spock in the first place?

Not so she could win back her faithless bond mate but so her daughter could have a father:

A father who was apparently eager to meet her.

"It's fine" she reassured both the nurse and her nervous mother in law "You can let him in"

The nurse smiled and went to retrieve the waiting Vulcan.

"Thank you" Amanda murmured

"I'm not doing this for Spock" Jane wanted to make that clear "Or you for that matter." Jane informed her. The only reason I am letting Spock through that door is because Isobel does have a right to know her father. "

"Yes she does" Amanda agreed "And Spock will make a good father if you will let him"

"As long as he is a better father than he was a bondmate" Jane said more meanly than she had meant to, regretting the words almost from the instant they left her mouth.

Amanda's eyes dropped to the loved bundle in her arms and Jane sighed suddenly remorseful; why did she always put her foot in it?

Spock of course chose that moment to enter the room; his face showing no emotion as he took in the sight in front of him; his wife in the white sheeted bed and his mother seated beside the bed cradling a swaddled bundle in her arms.

His facial expression did not change but his eyes dwelled solely and seemingly hungrily on the pink blanketed bundle and he walked forward towards her and his mother, even as Amanda rose from her seat.

Before he reached his apparent target however he turned to his wife who was watching his approach warily "Jane" he greeted her; although he longed to call her another name "Are you well? The hospital would not give me any personal information about you while I waited."

"You waited" Jane's face reflected her surprise."How long have you been at the hospital?"

"I messaged Spock the moment you went into labour" Amanda confessed.

"And you came to the hospital; even though you knew I would not see you?"Damn hormones Jane could not help but think as a lump rose in her throat.

"I could not do anything else when my bondmate was giving birth to my child." Spock told her quietly.

"Why did you not tell me Spock was at the hospital" Jane demanded looking at Amanda.

"You were in such pain, the birth was a long and hard one" Amanda frowned "And I didn't think you would want to know; it is not like you would have wanted him there as you gave birth"

"NO" Jane shook her head vehemently,

"But your health is optimal?" Spock obviously was trying to change the topic.

"I'm fine" Jane shrugged.

"Fine has variable definitions" Spock told her with familiar worry in his voice "Fine is unacceptable."

"I am in excellent health" Jane held back a laugh "Considering I just gave birth to a 8 pound six baby."

"The baby" Spock moved towards his mother once again.

"Is in perfect health too" Jane said softly "She is just... perfect."

Amanda had also moved closer to Spock; obviously ready to transfer the precious bundle into her father's eager (maybe not noticeably so to a stranger; but Jane had been bonded to Spock for over 2 years) arms.

Spock however froze and turned slightly towards Jane again "May I?"

Jane's icy heart melted just ever so slightly at the vulnerable look in her (ex) bondmates eyes "I think she wants to meet her daddy." She told him thickly; emotions rising (hey she had just given birth) "Go on"

Spock turned back to his mother (and daughter) arms reaching out as he awkwardly removed his daughter from Amanda's arms and settled her into his chest, his expression the most open Jane had ever seen it as he looked adoringly at his new daughter who looked just as transfixed back.

Jane felt tears rise to her eyes as she took in the scene in front of her of her serious, stern (ex) bond mate holding the small bundle so carefully and tenderly in his arms as he looked into his new daughter face with a look of upmost awe and love in his eyes.

"What did you choose to name her" He asked softly.

"Isobel "Jane told him just as softly, looking intently at him; she knew what this would mean for him even if, in true Vulcan style, he would never admit it.

Spocks brown eyes cut to meet her blue ones a look of soft wonder in them "Jane..." he was uncharacteristically lost for words.

"Thank you" he finally managed to edge out... "Th'yla"


	12. Chapter 12

"What did you choose to name her" He asked softly.

"Isobel "Jane told him just as softly, looking intently at him; she knew what this would mean for him even if, in true Vulcan style, he would never admit it.

Spocks brown eyes cut to meet her blue ones a look of soft wonder in them "Jane..." he was uncharacteristically lost for words.

"Thank you" he finally managed to edge out... "Th'yla"

The sense of calm and peace that had settled over Jane disappeared as soon as she heard that one word, "Don't call me that" she spat out harshly.

Spock froze "Jane'.

"No' Jane shook her head fiercely "You don't get to call me that. Ever again."

The arms that held their child tightened as Spock looked at his pale bond mate emotion dancing in his usually passive dark eyes, "I apologize" he told her softly.

"Just never call me that again" Jane dictated "It is offensively inaccurate. We are not th'yla anymore. We are not anything."

"We are still bondmates" Spock reminded her tightly, "As well as parents to Isobel"

"I am sorry if my naming Isobel after your grandmother gave you... false hope" Jane looked down at her hands "But I only decided upon her name because I felt it was only right that Isobel had a name that meant something to her family, and you and your mother are her family. But you are not mine, not anymore."

"I meant what I said, Spock" Jane sighed; she had just given birth, going through a long and painful 15 hour labour , did she really have to deal with this now?

"Our marriage is over" She told him softly "All my trust in you has been broken and without trust there cannot be love" Oh how she wished this was true "And without love there cannot be a healthy marriage. We are done".

Spock eye were darker than usual and filled with pain as he looked at the child in his arms; he could not look at his wife, not with what she was telling him

"Maybe humans can walk away from their marriages so lightly but as a Vulcan's I cannot especially not while we are bound by a thy'la bond. We are bound until death and nothing will change that."

"Are you kidding me" Jane straightened up in her hospital bed until she was half sitting up "You walked away from me, from our marriage 9 months ago.

And you made your plan of dissolving our bond clear before you threw me off MY ship."

"I spoke in anger" Spock admitted "My mind was filled with flames over your apparent infidelity I was emotionally compromised."

"And that excuses you?" Jane sneered.

"No" Spock looked down at the now whimpering Isobel, who picking up on the tensions on the room was beginning to cry "I owe you reparations. I do not know what would be enough to make up for the pain and suffering I caused you the last nine months but if I could, if you would let me I would spend the rest of my life making it up to you. I would spend the rest of my life winning back your trust and your love if you would just give me the chance."

"Give her to me" Jane demanded, her attention on her now loudly crying baby as she tried to ignore what Spock had just said.

Walking over to Jane, Spock tenderly and carefully placed Isobel into her arms.

"I'm not discussing this just now" Jane told him "Not when I have just given birth and my hormones are running wild and I am in desperate need of sleep."

"I will leave you then" Spock said "But may I visit my daughter and you tomorrow."

"You can visit Isobel" Jane told him "I meant what I said Spock. No matter what happens between us I have no plans on denying you your child or her you"

It had been two days since she had given birth and Spock's visit to see her; although the Vulcan had been back every morning and night to visit his daughter, and Jane was filling out the last of the paperwork that would discharge her and Isobel.

"Hello" said a cheery voice, distracting Jane as she signed the padd that would officially discharge her.

"Mrs Deluca" Jane greeted her former employer warmly.

"How are you and the princess today?" Angelica Deluca asked Jane.

"We are both in perfect health and eager to leave" Jane laughed.

"Well let's get you home then" Angelica gestured to the nurse who had just come into the room "I believe Captain Kirk is ready to be discharged."

Smiling at Jane the nurse took the padds off of her and after glancing at them she nodded "You are all done and discharged. Do you need a help carrying Isobel to your vehicle?'

"No thanks" Jane smiled at the nurse, who like the other nurses seemed a bit awed at Janes 'celebrity' status of the hero who had saved earth "I think between us, Mrs Deluca and I have it covered."

Walking over to the bassinette where Isobel lay placidly sucking her hand, Jane picked her up and turning to Mrs Deluca she grinned excitedly "Let's blow this popsicle stand!"

It was not until they were half way down the road that Mrs Deluca turned her attention from the road to Jane "Jack told me about the... incident that happened in his office'

Jane closed her eyes; she had never really expected Jack to spill the beans about their kiss to his grandmother "Mrs Deluca" she started.

"Angelica" Mrs Deluca told her firmly, "I am not your boss anymore. Just your landlord and friend."

"Angelica" Jane retried "Jack and I... we.." Jane trailed off not knowing where to go with this.

"I know Jack fancies himself in love with you" Jane mouth parted in shock at this tidbit and Angelica laughed ruefully "Jack has always had... a knight in shining armour complex, I guess you could call it" she told Jane "And as you are so beautiful and when he met you so vulnerable, I guess he fell or at least imagined he fell a little in love with that and you."

Jane started to protest but Angelica held up one hand "No dear" she told the protesting Jane "Let me finish. "Jane obediently (maybe for the first time in her life)shut her mouth again and Angelica commenced "Jack imagines he is in love with you, but you are not in love with him" she stated shaking her head "How could you be when you are still in love with your husband?"

Once again Jane opened her mouth to protest but after receiving a stern look from Mrs De Luca she shut it again "You are still in love with Spock and until you resolve the unfinished behaviour between you and him, I think it is only fair that you leave Jack out of it."

"Spock and I are finished. No matter my feelings for him the trust is gone so the relationship is dead" Jane told her softly "But you are right about Jack; I did like him" she admitted "But I do know now is not the time to start a new relationship."

"Believe me, Jane" Angelica smiled kindly at Jane "Nobody would be happier than me to welcome you into the family if you and Jack decided to be in a relationship after you and Spock settle things out but I don't want to see my boy hurt."

"I don't want to hurt Jack" Jane insisted

"I know" Angelica took one hand off the wheel and patted Jane's hand "And like I said after you and Spock resolves your issues who knows?"

"It may take a while" Jane admitted "To resolve Spock and my issues."

Mrs Deluca looked at Jane thoughtfully "Have you ever thought of trying to work things out?" she asked "After all you have Isobel to consider."

"No" Jane shook her head "Like I said he has shattered my trust. I don't trust him at all anymore and I can't imagine ever doing so again."

"Trust can be regained if you work at it" Angelica said quietly

"Not this time" Jane shook her head "He has done too much damage"

Angelica looked at Jane sadly "Maybe" she admitted "So when do you meet up with him to discuss Isobel and how you are going to share custody."

"Tomorrow" Jane laughed "Spock is not one to beat around the bush!"

Spock and Jane were meeting in a luxuriously appointed room in the Vulcan embassy; Amanda (and Sarek) had taken Isobel to visit some distant relatives and Jane smiled at that though; she knew her daughter's doting grandmother could not wait to parade her granddaughter all over the Vulcan embassy!

Sitting down in a plush chair Jane looked at her estranged husband "Let's get started shall we?" Jane suggested "Before your mother spoils Isobel beyond belief"

"What I thought would be fair is too work up to you having Isobel for weekends" Jane told a silent Spock "After all, as I am breast feeding at the moment, so it is not like she could be away for me for more than a couple of hours but I am willing to bring her here, to the embassy so you and your mother and father can bond and spend time with her."

"Jane" Spock shook his head "That is not going to work"

Jane slumped slightly; of course it could not be as simple as Spock agreeing to her, what she thought were, reasonable terms. Isobel was after all just a week old; it is not like anyone could expect her just to hand her over to Spock for a couple of day or even like it was possible... as she was breast feeding.

"What would you find reasonable?" she queried

"It is not what I would find reasonable but what will work long term" Spock told her quietly.

"You object to having her for weekends?" Jane frowned "I don't know if I would be willing to be parted with her for more than two days. Not until she is a lot older"

"That is not what I am talking about" Spock 'Vulcan sighed' which meant a slight, not noticible to anyone who had not been bonded to a Vulcan, exhale of breath, "I am talking about what will happen in the long term for us"

"I came here today to ask" Spock closed his eyes then shook his head "No" He corrected himself " I came here today to beg you for a second chance" The Vulcan slid off of his chair and walking over to Jane he dropped to his knees in front of her "I do not wish to be a part time, I think is the phrase, father to Isobel. Nor do I wish to ignore the fact that I wronged you, I accused you of betraying me when in fact it was I who betrayed you with my distrust in your innocence and my subsequent callous dismissal of you from my life and your ship."

Grasping her hands, Spock looked at her with, what to Jane's amazement, tears in his eyes "If you would but allow me I would complete any task you set me, I would do anything to regain your trust and love if you would just allow me the chance to redeem myself in your eyes"

A lump rose in Jane's throat as she looked into Spocks dark, tear-filled eyes before carefully withdrawing her hands from his "It's not that simple, Spock" she told him "I can't even think of any task that would allow me to trust you again."

"Allow me to court you." He suggested "Allow me to show you that I am worthy of your trust and love, allow me to show you that I am worthy of being your bondmate and Isobel's father'

"You are Isobel's father" Jane told him "But I don't think courting me would make me regain my trust of you; it is broken" bowing her head so he could not see the lie in her eyes she added "As is my love for you" she told him "There is nothing to be regained."

"I want you to be part of Isobel's life. I am willing to bring her here so you can build up a relationship with her and then when she is older I will be willing to allow you weekend visitations but any more than that? It is totally out of the question." Moving on to address other issues she knew faced them, Jane stated "I don't know what we will do when you enter Pon Farr seeing how our bond cannot be broken but I know I do not wish it to involve me."

"Whether you wish it or not" Spock told her stiffly "It will have to involve you; you are my bondmate and as you have mentioned previously, as our bond cannot be broken than no other will bring me relief from the flames and without... relief I will die."

" I can't do it Spock" She told him firmly "I can't rebuild my life if I have to wait around every seven years to do my wifely duty. There has to be a solution so I can move on. So we can both move on"

"There is one" Spock admitted.

"And you didn't think of mentioning it before now?" Jane snapped "Or were you hoping that I would accept the situation was hopeless and just give in and take you back? I am Jane T Kirk remember? I don't do no win situations."

"Truly" Spock agreed looking at her listlessly "If you will not consider allowing me the chance to win you back, to regain your love then there is only one option open to me to ensure that when the flames do descend that I do not either force myself upon you or else perish in the flames."

"Which is" Jane asked eagerly

"I will complete the rite of Kolinahr and purge all emotion; including my love for you.'

Author Note: Okay so I have always planned for this to have a happy ending but I am struggling to be honest. Part of me truly feels that no matter how he tries Spock will not be able to regain Jane's trust; he has truly shattered it beyond belief after all.

And without trust I do not think any relationship could be in any way healthy... so will this story have a happy ending?I was really rooting for it to... but I honestly do not know.

I hope you stay with me for the rest of the tale but understand if you don't for those serial happy ending lovers.


	13. Chapter 13

_**Truly" Spock agreed looking at her listlessly "If you will not consider allowing me the chance to win you back, to regain your love then there is only one option open to me to ensure that when the flames do descend that I do not either force myself upon you or else perish in the flames."**_

"Which is" Jane asked eagerly

"I will complete the rite of Kolinahr and purge all emotion; including my love for you.'

Jane looked at Spock, all the colour draining from her face as she took in what he just said "You want to complete the rite of Kolinahr?" She asked him blankly "You want to purge all your emotions? Including your love for your mother... Your love for me...Your love for your _daughter_?" The last was said in a tone of incredulous disbelief.

"Want?" Spock asked her "No I do not _want_ to complete the rite of Kolinahr, I would never willing choose to purge my love for you nor my love for Isobel... if I truly had a choice I would prefer to be your bondmate and a father to Isobel for the rest of my life but you have ruled that as impossibility. So to ensure your safety..."

"You think you need to complete the rite to ensure my safety?" Jane interrupted, with a bit of disbelief breaking through in her voice "I may not love you anymore Spock but I do know that you would never hurt me" she broke off "Well not physically at least" she amended.

"No. Not while I am in control of my full mental functions" Spock agreed. "But pon farr would strip me of those and leave me a primitive beast." His eyes dropping to the floor in a Vulcan show of embarrassment as he went on "A primitive beast who would hunt you, like the Le-mayta hunted the Aylak, not stopping until I found you and then I would violate you; using you to sate my lusts, to quench the flames that would consumed me, not caring whether you consented or not. I would not care if you screamed, bled or cried as I ravaged you, I would just sate myself in you over and over."

Jane just stared at him, "But your last pon farr..." she trailed off in sudden remembrance.

Spock hadn't been the primitive beast he had just described during his last pon farr over 2 years ago; sure he had been possessive and demanding, secluding them in her quarters as he made love to her over and over until she nearly thought she could not take anymore but even in his 'madness' he had still shown a degree of gentleness, of protectiveness as he slaked the flames of his pon farr in her welcomed coolness.

"You were a willing mate." Spock told her "My plak tow was reduced, controlled by your willingness, by your complete submission to me as you allowed me the relief I needed as soon as you realised what was happening."

"So if I was not to be submissive... if I was to reject you upon your next pon farr" Jane trailed off.

"The burning in my blood would force me to seek you out regardless" Spock told her "I, as I told you before, would hunt you down and I would force you to submit, to give over to me both your body and your mind." Spock closed his eyes as he admitted, "I would rape you mentally as well as physically until the flames died and I regained my mental awareness and then..." Spock's eyes opened and despite the Vulcan passiveness still there Jane clearly saw the anguish about his possible future action's shining through "And then I would despise myself as much as you would despise me. I would not be able to live with myself knowing that I had destroyed, physically, emotionally and mentally the one person I am bound to protect, to care for and to cherish."

"Oh." Jane said wide eyed and speechless.

"So I will enter into the training of Kolinahr, I will purge my emotions so that I will never again be plunged into the flames of pon farr... so you will be safe."

"But Isobel" Jane said feeling as if she could not breath, as if something was crushing her chest "The whole reason I told you about her was so she would not have to suffer through my childhood, so she would have a father, a father who would love her."

"When I achieve Kolinahr" Spock told her in a hollow monotone voice "You will be free to choose another mate as in my emotionless state I will not care if my t'hy..." he broke off "If my bondmate takes another. I will not challenge him and you will be free to do as you state you desire and move on to rebuild your life how you so wish. Our bond will be all but broken."

"I..." Jane touched one hand to her throat and shook her head blankly; she could not even process the thought; sure she had lied through her teeth and told Spock and everyone around her that she could not wait to move on, to take her next lover and make a new life for her and Isobel but in reality... in reality the thought of touching a man who was not her bondmate made her sick to her stomach.

Maybe it was the bond, which still thrummed in the back of her head influencing her but despite everything Spock put her though during the last nine months she still loved him and the thought of fucking another man left a bad taste in her mouth and a sick sensation in her gut.

As for the thought of another man being a father to Isobel... she could not even contemplate it.

"When" she asked "When would you leave to start your training"

"The next influx of Kolinahr novices begins their training in New Vulcan in just under an Earth week so I have arranged passage on a ship that leaves at 0900 hours tomorrow morning."

"Tomorrow!" Jane exclaimed "You have already arranged to leave m... Isobel so soon."

"My crimes against you are numerous" Spock told her solemnly "And although I illogically had held out some hope that you might forgive me, I always knew that it was unlikely."

"So you are just going to throw in the towel?" Jane threw at him suddenly filled with hot anger. "Well at least this tells me one thing; I guess that is how much you actually care about me and your daughter." Throwing her arms in the air Jane taunted him "Why bothering even trying to woo me back, why even bother trying to be a father to Isobel when you can just fucking purge your emotions and get rid of us that way."

Spock stared at her hollowly "If I thought there was a chance that I could win you back to me, if I thought I could rebuild the trust in our bond I would do it but as you have informed me that you no longer love me" Spock voice uncharacteristically broke as he shook slightly "Then I need to..."

"Fuck off to Vulcan and purge me, purge us out of your life" Jane threw in acidly.

"NO!" Spock denied, "I have been informed by the elders that the seven year cycle that has been for thousands of years the timeline of pon farr, has been disturbed by the destruction of Vulcan and the subsequent loss of seventy five percent of my species. Young male Vulcan's, such as I, have been going into pon farr only 3 years after their last cycle." Spock looked at her imploringly "If I am to safeguard you, if I am to ensure that I reach Kolinahr before my next pon farr is upon me then I need to leave and begin the long and arduous training now."

"Go then" Jane told him the lump in her throat rising as tears welled in her eyes "You have already had practise at walking out the door and leaving me and Isobel so just fucking go!"

Jane and Spock locked eyes for one long minute before Jane, before Jane broke "Then it was all for nothing? Me informing you about Isobel I mean?"

"I would not say it was for nothing; you restored your reputation with Starfleet" Spock reminded her "You are once again the captain of the fleets flagship and you have also cleared your name with those who condemned you; myself included."

"You think I informed you about Isobels paternity so I could get myself back in Starfleets good books; to get myself another ship?" Jane shook her head "I did it so Isobel would have a father; so she would not suffer the same childhood that I suffered, fatherless and wishing every birthday and on every occasion that he was there."

Spock bowed his head "If I could break the bond, if I could set you free without fear of causing your mind to break, I would. If I could step aside and allow you to rebuild your life without me, to find a new mate that you could love and trust I would although it would rend me to my core." His eyes showing his distress Spock went on "But I cannot; the Vulcan blood that runs through my veins and the bond that binds us even now despite your justified hatred of me will one day make it necessary for you to submit yourself to me as my mate again one day. Whether it be tomorrow or a year from now, I cannot stop the Vulcan mating driving from once again forcing me to claim you as mine unless I do this, unless I purge all emotions leaving me barren but harmless to you and by default our daughter."

Tears dripping down her face, Jane shook her head "Why can't you wait? Can't you at least have six months, a year with your daughter before you go to New Vulcan to begin the Kolinahr rites? Time to build memories, to make holos even write letters for her to treasure when she is older?"

Spock shook his head "The more time with Isobel I spend, the more I will bond with her, the greater my love of her will be and the harder it will be to reach Kolinahr as it will prove more difficult to purge my emotions with such memories present in my mind." Spock suspected what he was going to say next would not be well received but he had to let Jane know his regard for her "As it is, my love for you will make achieving Kolinahr hard enough."

Wiping away tears Jane looked at Spock sadly "I don't know what to say. I may not want you as my bondmate but you are Isobel's father and she needs you. There must be another way."

Spock shook his head "As I said it was the Vulcan Elders, T'Pau in particular, who informed me about the pon farr cycle shortening. To ensure your safety I must reach Kolinahr before my next cycle. It is the price I must pay for my mistrust and mistreatment of you; the loss of your love, and my daughter."

Jane was not sure the punishment fitted the crime "Can't you at least give me until tomorrow morning to come up with another solution. There has to be another way."

"We are t'hy'la" Spock cautiously spoke the forbidden word "I am bound to you always; as you are bound to me. There is no way to break our bond and if we remain bonded you will be obliged to endure pon farr with me." Spock looked at her hollowly "Nobody, not even I, could expect you to bind yourself to a man who has betrayed you as I have, to force yourself to submit yourself body and mind to a man you despise in an ever shortening cycle of time."

Jane stared at Spock blankly "At least give me until tomorrow morning" she pleaded with him not knowing why but knowing that _this _could not be how Spock and she ended.

Spock bowed his head to her "I will meet you here at 0700 hours" he agreed "I doubt you will be able to come up with a workable soloution but at least it will allow me to see your face, and Isobels, one last time."

Amanda was bouncing Isobel on one knee babbling in incoherent baby talk to her gurgling granddaughter even as an indulgent Sarek; one eyebrow raised at his wife's illogical behaviour, looked on when Jane stormed into the room, her face tear stained.

"Jane" Amanda gasped startled, frowning when she saw the tear stained face of her daughter in law "What happened" she demanded half rising to her feet, Isobel clutched tightly in her arms.

"You need to ask your son" Jane reached for Isobel relieving her from her grandmother's arms.

"What has Spock done?" Sarek joined in the conversation.

"Like you don't know" Jane hissed as she began to pack up Isobel belongings "You must be so proud, Your Excellency. Your son following the Vulcan path you choose for him and completing the rites of Kolinahr."

Amanda gasped one pale hand going to her throat in horror "Spock is going to complete the rites of Kolinahr?"

Sarek, both eyebrows raised walked towards Jane "When did my son inform you of this" he demanded "It is illogical for him to take this path, to leave his bondmate and newborn child."

Jane's anger faltered as she looked at Sarek and Amanda "You did not know" she asked; her tone subdued as she realized what an ass she had just made out of herself in her temper.

"No" Amanda denied "Why would Spock choose to pursue the Kolinahr rite of passage?"

"I" Jane bit bottom lip as she wondered how to answer "He said it is to protect me" she finally admitted.

"Protect you from what" Amanda asked her confusion clear.

"I refused to take him back" Jane looked down at the peaceful face of her content daughter; Isobel had proven to be a docile child, not even her mother's temper tantrums could disturb her "During our talks about our future, I told him while I would not contest him seeing Isobel that I had no plans of resuming our relationship."

Understanding appeared in Sarek eyes "So he chose to follow the path of Kolinahr then... so he would not abuse you during his next cycle of pon farr"

"I guess" Jane admitted.

"Then his actions are logical "Sarek told her sternly "If you cannot be persuaded to forgive my son, to resume your bondmate duties then his only option is Kolinahr less he reaches his next time and your rejection of him leads to more... unfortunate events."

"So he could truly hurt me during his next pon farr if I was..." Jane blushed; she never thought she would be raising this topic with the in-laws "Unwilling" she completed completely flushed.

"Indeed" Sarek intoned "Vulcan woman are taught from birth the necessity of their willing submission during their mates time." Sarek looked at her his expression more seriously than usual "Any less then complete submission by the female could lead to a violent and even fatal... coupling."

"Then perhaps" Amanda stepped in "Spock's decision is for the best."

"Indeed" nodded Sarek. "I must go now to talk to Spock" he advised them "And find out what his travel plans are" bowing slightly to Amanda and Jane he left the room

Isobel's belongings back in her bag and the bag thrown over her shoulder, Jane decided she needed to go home and digest this latest curveball to her life. To see if she could find a soloution that did not involve Spock exiling himself from Isobel's life.

"Well I guess I should say goodbye then" Jane said awkwardly.

Her eyes wide Amanda asked bluntly "Do you intend on denying us access to Isobel?"

"What" Jane's eyes flew to her mother in laws worried face "No" she denied "I just meant goodbye for today, for not forever."

Relief poured over Amanda's elegant features "Is there truly no way you could forgive Spock" she asked Jane quietly.

"Could you forgive Sarek?" Jane questioned "If our positions were reverse I mean."

"For Spock I would have tried" Amanda said quietly "It pains me to think of my grandchild growing up not knowing her father."

"Well Spock has given me permission, once he has reached Kolinahr to find her a new daddy" Jane said bitterly, not even know why she was telling Amanda that.

Amanda huge dark eyes that were so like Spocks opened even wider "He must love you so much." She breathed "Do you even know what it means for a Vulcan male to basically give permission for their bondmate to take another lover?"

Jane shook her head.

"Unlike humans Vulcan's are completely monogamous; they cannot or will not cheat on their bondmates and due to their biological needs they have a wide streak of possessiveness; even to give verbal permission for you to take another lover after him must of all but killed Spock." Amanda told her seriously.

"He knows he cannot make amends with you; he must of realized that you would never forgive him so he is basically stepping out of your way, taking himself out of the picture by purging his emotions so he will not be a threat to you or your desired new life" Amanda blinked back tears "Even if it means he will basically have no life at all."

"What do you meant" Jane demanded

"Have you ever met a Kolinahr adept?" Amanda challenged.

"No" Jane shook her head... read about them yes but met? Never!

"They are basically what humans accuse normal Vulcan's to be... emotionless robots, they derive no pleasure out of life, they have no curiosity, no scientific interest in anything, they have no desires, no need for companionship or love. They just... exist" Amanda smiled sadly "No more no less."

Jane stared at Amanda wordlessly; not knowing what to say "Well I better get going" Jane got out finally, still at a loss for words but wanting to get the hell out of there and away from Amanda's accusing eyes.

Amanda just looked at her sadly "Jane..." she broke off before shaking her head "No. I can't ask you to forgive him but please" she implored the blond captain "Just think clearly about what you are doing because it will be forever, once Spock attains Kolinahr he will be lost to you and to Isobel forever."

"Please" Amanda begged "Just think it over. Can you really never forgive him? Is it really too late? You need to know that if you change your mind even 4 months down the track it will be too late. Once his emotions are purged he will be that emotionless robot forever. The man you loved will be dead. Isobel's father will be dead. The man left may look like Spock, like my son and your bondmate but he will be all but a robotic doppelganger, lifeless and uncaring."

Jane looked hollowly at Amanda; lost for words and emotionally wrecked "I have to go" she told her ex mother in law finally; not able to take any more and she turned all but running out of the embassy as she clutched her soon to be fatherless daughter in her arms tightly.

Amanda watched her leave sadly; even if she had gained a granddaughter it looked like she had just lost her son.


	14. Chapter 14

Jane was so busy hurrying out of the heavy wooden doors of the Vulcan Embassy that she did not notice the two Vulcan's entering it until she nearly ran straight into them.

Clutching Isobel against her chest tightly in fright as she came to a stop just in front of the pair, she found herself shaken by the near collision; scared of what could of happened to Isobel if she had dropped her.

"Sorry" she winced as she apologized for their near crash, still clutching an unfazed Isobel against her chest tightly.

Still looking apologetically at the men in front of her, she happened to catch the taller one's eyes and nearly took a step back as she looked into the Vulcan's blank, black doll like eyes and she could not help but wondered what had caused the hollow, vacant look in his eyes and the gauntness of his face even as the empty look in his eyes caused a wave of uneasiness to raise in Jane stomach.

A sense of unease that was not broken even by his sudden departure not a moment later as he brushed by her without a word of acknowledgement of their near crash.

The Vulcan left behind had the usual Vulcan mask of indifference on but at least his eyes spoke of some personality behind the facade, "I apologize for my companion, he has just returned from the monastery of Gol" The Vulcan in front of her bowed his head "Or should I say the new Gol Monastery."

"He is a Kolinahr adept?" Suddenly the vacant, empty looked made a lot more sense but the knowledge of the cause of the man's blank doll like eyes did nothing to ease the sick, uneasy feeling in Jane's stomach.

So that was a Vulcan Kolinahr adept.

"Indeed" The Vulcan in front of her intoned "Your apologises are accepted but I would advise on a more moderate pace in future" He advised her before adding "I have an appointment inside so if you would excuse me."

"Of course" Jane moved out of his way still shaken by what she had seen in the Kolinahr adept's dark soulless eyes.

Nothing.

Lying a sleeping Isobel down into her bassinet, Jane smiled as she brushed a gentle hand across the peacefully sleeping face of her daughter.

It always amazed her how beautiful, how perfect her daughter was; she could watch Isobel for hours as she admired how cute her daughters sleepy coos were, how amazingly small her hands were and how adorable her little Vulcan pointy ears were and she could not help herself as she brush one hand over them.

Just like Spocks.

Jane's smile flickered and died as she thought about her child's father.

Her child's father and Jane's bondmate, who would soon depart to New Vulcan to begin the rite of Kolinahr and begin the long purging of his emotions, ALL of his emotions including the love that was her daughters right.

The sick feeling that had been in Jane's stomach, since her unexpected encounter with the Kolinahr adept early in the day, rose and twisted as she imagined the strangers horrifyingly blank and empty eyes being put into Spock's familiar face.

She imagined her husband being that man; his beautiful, warm brown eyes, eyes that she had always love as they that always and still if she was honest with herself held such love and emotion for her being twisted into cold blank doll eyes.

Eyes that revealed their owner to be as good as dead inside.

She imagined Isobel trying (and she was a Kirk, she would try) to find her father later in life and being faced in a hot Vulcan Monastery by a cold, empty man with dead eyes who did not care, _could_ not care one whit about her.

Jane at least knew that George Kirk had loved her, had died protecting her. Isobel would not even have that.

Sinking down into the soft, padded rocker Jane put her face into her hands and wondered how she could stop it; stop Spock seeking out the Monastery of Gol and the emptiness of Kolinahr.

Looking into her daughter's calm sleeping face she had to admit that she knew one way; if she took Spock back, if she could forget and forgive, if Jane could move past the past hurt and allowed Spock the chance to woo her, to win her back then Isobel would have two parents. She would grow up with a mother and a father.

But even though she wanted that for her beloved child, even if she secretly longed to have her bondmate back in her life (a fact that she was resolutely blaming on the bond thrumming in the back of her mind) Jane wondered if she could actually do it?

Spock had stripped everything from her: her ship, her friends, her family and more importantly himself.

Jane could have taken the loss of the Enterprise, hell she could have taken the loss of her friends even Bones, but losing Spock, losing his love had almost killed her. There had been days that the only thing that had forced her to carry on had been the unborn child in her womb.

Spock's unborn child.

She had been so wrapped in Spock, so bound to him by her consuming love for him that the loss of him through his lack of faith, his rejection of her had left her empty and hollow, bitter and twisted and unable to move past his betrayal and the fact that if he had left her once he could do it again.

And hadn't she after watching her Mum never ending heartbreak over her father, George Kirk, always swear that she would never to be that woman?

Wasn't that why she had always flitted from casual relationship to casual relationship before she had met Spock; because she had been determined never to let a man get in so deep that he would have the power to destroy her life?

But Spock, kind gentle Spock who looked at her as if she was the answer to every question he had every thought of, had snuck past her walls and into her heart... and look what loving him, trusting him had caused her?

Total heartbreak.

"I can't do it, Isobel" she brokenly told her slumbering daughter as she buried her face into her hands as she tried to stifle her tears" I survived your Daddy leaving me once but I could never do it again."

And if he could do it once, then he could certainly do it again but then how could she allow her beautiful, innocent daughter to be raised fatherless?

How could she tell Isobel that it was she, it was Jane who had forced Spock to seek out the rite of Kolinahr, who had turned Isobel father into the empty shell of a man Isobel would one day encounter in the Vulcan monastery. An encounter that Jane knew would happen as sure as she knew that Scotty loved sandwiches.

Her daughter would hate her for denying her the loving father Spock would have been.

How could she, Jane, live with the knowledge that because of her distrust (warranted or not) that the man she still even in spite of herself loved was a shell, an (as Amanda had described it) emotionless robot who did not live but just existed.

How could she let Spock leave for New Vulcan when she had seen what he would turn into; when she had been sicken to the stomach and left shaken by her brief encounter with the frighteningly vacant Kolinahr adept?

How could she let Spock, her Spock who hid behind his calm, dispassionate Vulcan facade a passion and love that was just for her along with a curious, brilliant scientific mind that had always astounded and amused her and a dry, sarcastic wit that had always delighted her, be turned into a empty eyed shell of the man that she loved.

But then how in 12 short hours could she be expected to move past the walls of distrust and misery that he had put up?

Jane pulled her knees up to her chest and wept as she wondered what the hell she was going to do.

Jane was pulled out of her misery when she heard a knock at her front door she dragged herself out of the rocking chair and with one quick check of Isobel, who was still fast asleep, she went to see who was there and looking through the peep hole she was amazed to see.

Nyota Uhura. Spock's ex girlfriend and current best friend.

Flinging open the door she looked Uhura in the face a questioning look her eyes; her ex communications officer looked uncharacteristically nervous.

"What do you want Uhura" she asked, using the communications officer's last name as Uhura had never given her permission to use her first.

'I need to talk to you.' Uhura usually strong, confident voice a soft, hesitant parody of itself.

"Why?" Jane queried, her voice heavy "What could we possibly have left to say?"

"Spock sent me a message advising me about her upcoming travels to Vulcan to start his training in the ways of Kolinahr."

"And you are here on his behalf?" Jane guessed, why was she not surprised, Uhura was nothing if not loyal to her best friend.

"No" Uhura answer surprised Jane "I am here on yours."

"Excuse me" Jane's eyebrows nearly hit her hairline in her surprise."

"I know you are mad" Uhura went on "And you have every right to be; we let you down, we betrayed you the way we accused you of betraying Spock. But Jane" Uhura looked at the unimpressed Captain imploringly "If you do this; if you let Spock obtain Kolinahr you will regret it for the rest of your life."

"I will, will I?" Jane questioned in a sarcastic tone.

"You love Spock" Uhura raised one hand to stop Jane from protesting "I am a trained linguist, Jane" she reminded her ex captain "I am trained in over a hundred languages including BODY language so lying about it would be useless. You were in love with Spock on the Enterprise and you still love Spock now."

"Now that you can't prove" Jane challenged "You have not been here to read my body language in over 10 months."

"Then convince me" Uhura challenged "Tell me you aren't still in love with bondmate."

Knowing that she couldn't lie to a trained linguist, especially one as talented as Nyota Uhura, Jane just sighed "Okay" she admitted"I still love him but so what? I don't trust him, not with my heart; never again" she swore.

"Maybe" Uhura admitted "But if you allow him to complete the rites of Kolinahr and purge all emotions you will never forgive yourself when the betrayal and hurt you are currently feeling fades with time and you realise what you **both** have done by allowing Spock to pursue and gain Kolinahr."

"And what would I of lost?" Jane queried cynically "Except a faithless bondmate I mean? "

"Your soul mate" Uhura long ponytail bounced as she shook her head "I never liked you Jane" she admitted "I never liked how brash you were, how you had to flirt with anything wearing trousers... or a skirt.' Uhura smirked obviously recalling the time Jane had hit on her "And I definitely did not like how in three short months after Spock and my break up you had Spock acting towards you how I always wished he would act towards me." Uhura smiled resignedly "Did Spock ever tell you why we broke up?" she asked Jane.

"No" Jane shook her head; she had always wondered what had ended the seemingly well matched relationship between her first and her communication officer but after Spock and she got together she had never really known how to raise the subject without looking like a jealous girlfriend.

"I fell hard for Spock from the first time I saw him" The dark haired linguist admitted "It took nearly a year for me to even get Spock to notice me" Uhura confided "Then it took about another six months before he would even consider moving between our strictly professional relationship. I knew he was a Vulcan and therefore not into public displays of emotion or affection but it was hard for me to get him to act affectionate in private; he wouldn't meld with me, any physical interaction between us only happened when I initiated it." Uhura shook her head ruefully "It took me two months after being aboard the Enterprise to realise that he was never going to be what I needed and that I could never be what he needed. So we broke up both agreeing we made better friends than lovers."

Uhura sighed "Then you and he began a relationship; oh I warned him against it." Uhura admitted ruefully "I warned him about your reputation, that you would never want to be in a monogamous relationship but he just raised an eyebrow at me and continue to date you no matter what warning I gave him." Uhura shrugged "Maybe it was out of concern for him or maybe it was just pure jealousy but I kept a close eye on you for the first year of your relationship with Spock so imagine my surprise when you stopped flirting so outrageously with anything male and then imagine my shock when I saw Spock brushing fingers with you, standing closer to you than was strictly professional and basically doing the Vulcan version of putting his tongue down your throat in public."

"I was jealous" the dark haired linguist admitted "Jealous that in such a short time you were able to break through Spock's walls in a way I never could and get under his skin and make him act like I had only dreamed about; affectionate and love struck" Uhura flashed a bright grin "Well affectionate and love struck for a Vulcan that is" she amended

Jane frowned at this confession; sure she had known Uhura had never really liked her but she had just assumed that it was Uhura being an overprotective best friend, kind of like Bones was, had been to her, she had always thought that Uhura had moved on after all wasn't she dating Scotty now?

"Oh" Uhura, correctly reading Janes expression, waved her hand to one side "I'm not still in love with Spock. I love Scotty; he's brilliant, funny and has no issues shouting his love for me from the rooftops"Uhura grinned as she thought about her crazy but lovable boyfriend "But for a long time I felt... resentment that you had from Spock what I had dreamed about for yes."

"So" concluded Uhura "I have never liked you. Respected you? Yes; not even I can deny that you were a fine captain." Uhura lowered her head in shame "A fine Captain whose crew betrayed her at the first sign of trouble."Sighing heavily Uhura admitted "When it became known through the grapevine hat you were pregnant and that Spock couldn't be the father it seemed so reasonable for me to assume that you had cheated especially when Spock came to me so visibly distressed and admitted that he had checked his fertility three times but the test kept coming back positive too him being sterile." Uhura rubbed her eyes tiredly with one hand "I was angry; angry that you could do that to Spock and so was the rest of the crew; we all love Spock as we loved you and I guess we sided with who we considered to be the innocent party."

"But we were wrong" Uhura apologized quietly "We lost the best captain in the fleet and believe me when I say that we regret it; all of the Enterprise crew regrets the fact that you no longer trust us and want us on your new ship; it is hard to imagine you being out there without us to assist and protect you."

"SO the admiralty has told you about the Endeavour?" Jane queried.

"Yes" admitted Uhura softly "And no one on the Enterprise will apply for her, we understand that you no longer trust us to have your back, to protect you." Uhura gave a rueful laugh "How could you? After the way we deserted then exiled you? But you need to know we regret it"

"Okay, you regret it" Jane looked calmly at Uhura "But what has this got to do with Spock and why I will apparently regret not forgiving him."

"I may not be your best friend" Uhura laughed ruefully "I may not be any sort of friend for you but I know you love Spock, I have watched that love grow; first with envy and then with reluctant acceptance as even I had to admit that you were good together" Uhura shook her head "No" she amended"You were perfect for each other; true thy'la in every meaning of that ancient Vulcan words so I also know that one day you will forgive him... how can you not; he's your thy'la" Uhura took a deep breath "And when that day arrives and if Spock has reached Kolinahr you will never forgive yourself"

"Maybe I am willing to take that chance" Jane retorted

"Maybe" Uhura nodded "If it was just you to consider you would be that stubborn but it isn't just you anymore, is it?" Uhura questioned, her dark eyes knowing "You also have to consider your daughter, and what with your own upbringing I doubt you are willing to make her fatherless."

And hadn't Uhura just hit the nail on the head?

"You're right" Jane admitted "I don't want Isobel to be fatherless but what are my options? Forgive Spock?" Jane shook her head "I don't trust him Uhura so you tell me how I am meant to have a relationship with him without trust?"

"Give him a chance" Uhura urged "Give him a chance to court you, to rebuild the lost trust between you." Uhura eyes pleaded with Jane "Give him a chance to prove his love and devotion to both you AND Isobel. Because I know if you do, if you give him that chance he will never let you down again"

"I want too" Jane admitted, not knowing why she was admitting this to Uhura of all people "I want to forgive Spock, I just don't know if I can."

"I believe you can" Uhura told Jane with quiet surety "After all you may be able to live without the Enterprise crew... you may be able to replace us with a newer, better crew but you will never replace what you had with Spock; that kind of love only happens once in a lifetime if that."

"And if I can't?" Jane asked "If I can't move on what then?"

"Then I guess Kohlinear would be the only answer but don't let Spock do this without at least trying... because if you do you will regret it because I truly believe that you and Spock could rebuild the trust and lost his betrayal damaged, if you just tried."

Having heard enough and exhausted and emotionally worn out Jane just shrugged "It's late Uhura" she told the linguist "And if you have said all you came here to say maybe we should call it a night."

"Please just think about what I have said" Uhura pleaded before adding "And thank you for listening to me, for not slamming the door in my face" Uhura said quietly before she began to walk towards the door, to leave Jane with her thoughts but just before she reached the door she turned around once more "Good luck on your new mission" Uhura said in a poignant tone "I know you will do Starfleet proud. You always did"

Not knowing what to say to that Jane just nodded and watched as her ex communications officer slip out of the door.

Spock was deep in meditation when the door to his room opened and opening his eyes, expecting to see his father or mother he was shocked to see his elder counterpart walking through the door.

"What brings you here, Selan" He queried addressing his elder self by the name the other Spock had assumed.

"I have come to save you some time and trouble; I believe the earth expression is."

"You have heard about my quest then?" Spock questioned.

"Indeed" Selan nodded "And take it from one who has gone down that path, it is a waste of productivity; you will never purge Jane from your mind, heart or katra."

"You attempted the rite of Kolinahr? You attempted to purge your emotions?" Spock's eyebrows sprung up in shock

"Indeed I _tried_"Selan emphasised the word try ironically "I failed. Our bond proved too strong for me to purge, too eliminate from my mind or soul." Shaking his head his eyes showing his amusement he went on "The first time that my Jim needed me I ran back to him like a puppy back to his owner."

"I am not you" Spock told his elder counterpart "Obviously your Jim took you back but mine will not. The only way to protect her will be for me to achieve Kolinahr."

"My Jim did not welcome me back with open arms; his sense of betrayal was too great for that." Old Spock sighed "I did not falsely accuse him like you did your Jane; I did worse – I had no reason to leave my Jim except for my fear of the feelings he arose in me."Bowing his head Selan admitted "So, scared of the emotion that my Jim arose in me, I ran like a scared little child. I ran all the way to the temples of Gol and once there I tried to purge the emotions that had scared me so."

Raising his head to look at Spock, Selan voice was quiet when he went on "I failed; our bond was not just an ordinary bond; it was as yours is a thy'la bond. Your bond is unbreakable, my younger self" Selan told Spock "You will never be able to purge your feelings for Jane; they are too strong, too deeply imbedded in your psyche for any chance of success."

"But your Jim forgave you"

"Yes" Spock agreed "But it took time; he did not welcome me back with open arms but with distrust and hesitation to rely on me in anyway so burnt by my betrayal he was." Seran eyes closed as he remembered that trying time "But I persevered I worked hard to rebuild the trust I had so carelessly thrown away, to prove my love for him and eventually he allowed me back in his life, back in his heart and I considered my lesson learnt; I never strayed from his side again until death parted us."

"My Jane will never forgive me" Spock whispered "And she should not; I betrayed her love, I did not believe her pleas of innocence and indeed relied on science and logic as I rejected our child and exiled her from all she loved. She hates me" Spock closed his eyes "As she should."

"She does not hate you" Seran's eyes were kind as he looked at his anguished younger self "No Jane or James T Kirk could hate S'chn T'gai Spock and I should know" the old man confessed a twinkle in his eyes "As I have met a few."

"Give her time, support her in every way you can; both professionally and personally and prove your love to her as often as you can even if it means laying down the Vulcan dignity and her ice will thaw" Selan advised

"I am pleased that your Jim forgave you" Spock told Selan "But despite your reassurance I truly feel Jane will never forgive me; that the only way I can grant her the freedom she desires is to achieve Kolinahr."

"You will fail" Selan told him.

"Then I will at least be a solar system away from Jane and she will be out of my flames reach when next I go into Pon Farr" Spock told Selan solemnly.

"You will never survive Pon Farr without her unless you achieve Kolinahr" Selans eyes were wide with shock as he realised what his younger self was planning "And you will never achieve Kolinahr; which you have always known. Haven't you" Selan accused.

Agonized brown eyes met Selan and wordlessly answered Selan's question without saying a word


	15. Chapter 15

Author Note: Short chapter but there will be more soon and please try not to hate me.

Jane rocked Isobel against her chest as she waited for Spock to appear in the sitting room a somber Amanda had wordlessly shown her to.

She had been up all night, pacing the halls as she had desperately tried to come up with a solution ; any solution that would leave Isobel with a father but that would leave Jane free to rebuild her life; a life separate from the husband, the bondmate, she was still sure she could never forgive, never learn to trust again.

But the only solution she could come up with was promising to wait through one pon farr cycle with Spock as they tried to rebuild their broken relationship to even though she recoiled at the thought of sleeping with her bondmate because how could she really do that?

How could she be totally submissive and trusting to a man who had shattered her heart…. and if in the grips of pon farr Spock felt her resistance to submitting to him would he then break her body the way he broke her heart?

SO in the end she had nothing; she would not put her life in the hands of a man who had so carelessly thrown her to the curb like yesterdays rubbish and so she for once admitted defeat; maybe Spock choice to travel the path of the Vulcan adept

"Jane" Spock voice came from behind her and turning around she saw the figure of her husband garbed in a traditional black Vulcan robe appear in the doorway.

"Spock" Jane smiled a painful smile and in that broken smile she could tell that Spock knew that she had come to say goodbye.

"May I hold her?" Spock asked as he stepped further into the room and as he looked down at the sleeping Isobel "One last time before"

With a lump in her throat Jane handed over her child, Spock's child and watched as Spock gently, adoringly cradled his baby daughter in his arms staring at her innocent, sleeping face as he held her as if he was trying to memorize her features.

Which, Jane realized, he probably was.

This was the last time he would see his daughter; until Jane's prophecy came true and an adult Isobel went on the hunt for the emotionless robot her father would soon be and then her features; Isobel herself would not matter one whit to him.

"Spock" intoned Sarek also appearing at the door way his face emotionless as he took in the scene in front of him "It is time. The shuttle is ready to depart. Your fellow novice awaits you."

"Look after her" Spock said hollowly as he handed Isobel back

"I will" said Jane, once again rocking Isobel against her chest; her chest where her aching heart lay painfully throbbing as she realized that this was it; this was the last time she would ever see Spock again.

And despite the hurt he had caused, despite the pain she still felt she was still overcome with the mad desire to throw herself into his arms and to beg him never to leave her but even as her aching heart begged her to take the first step forward her cynical brain told her to protect herself and let him go; if he had done it once he WOULD do it again.

"I…" Spock started before uncharacteristically breaking off only start again "I hope the remainder of your life to be long and happy. I hope your new crew trust and protect you as I, as the Enterprise crew should have." Spock eyes met Janes and her eyes widened as she finally registered the misery and suffering in those dark brown, nearly black human eyes she had always loved "I hope you find a man who is capable of being a father to Isabel and a better husband to you than I was; a man who will never betray you the way I did"

"Spock" Sarek intoned "If you do not depart presently the shuttle will depart without you"

Holding out his hand in the customary gesture of farewell Spock intoned "Live long and prosper" and then with a swirl of black robes he moved swiftly to the door ; moving to exit both the room and Jane's and Isobel life forever.


End file.
